I make my way through the crowd to step outside for fresh spring air. The warmth of the sun beats down on my skin, chasing away the winter chill. Pink-and-white blooming trees surround the streets, and birds chirp in the distance. There is something about a spring day that takes the winter blues away.
“Hey, is everything okay?”
I glance over my shoulder and see Kai stepping outside with a mixed drink in hand. Kevin threw a barbecue for him, and he invited a couple of their close friends. He said the actual party starts tonight. I’m dreading it. Kevin is still partying on the weekends. If not at his place, he’s out somewhere else.
“Yes, I wanted to get some fresh air.” Kai wraps his arms around me and my belly, which has now made me outgrow of all my clothes. Ninety-ninety percent of the time, I’m in yogapants. I bought a few maternity jeans and shirts, but I don’t like how they look on me. The styles are for much older women. It’s hard to find anything that looks good on me.
“How late do you want to stay?”
“It’s your birthday. We can stay as late as you want.” Kai has only partied with his brother a few times since he moved out. One morning, I woke up to his side of the bed empty. Before I could think, I sprung out of bed, looking for him. I found him sleeping in his old room on the floor. I was upset that morning, knowing all Kai had to do was at least call me and tell me so I wouldn’t freak out. Kai explained he had a little too much to drink and passed out; he wasn’t conscious enough to call me. I tried not to dwell on it.
Kai works so hard for both of us, and I don’t want to ruin his birthday.
“I’ll do whatever my girls want,” he says, rubbing my belly.
It pains me to know my mom still doesn’t know she’s going to have a granddaughter. I picked up the phone—twice—to dial her number. I could never go through with it. Kai bought me a new phone since I still didn’t have one, so my mom doesn’t have my number to reach out if she even wanted to.
It makes me sad to know that I’m doing this without her. She made it clear that she doesn’t want to be involved. I already love my daughter so much, and I don’t know what I would do if she were in my situation and came to me to tell me she was pregnant. I don’t blame my mom for being hurt by all this; I just wish things were different.
I already see my daughter as my best friend. In a way, we are going to grow up together. It’s pretty cool. Not many people get that.
“Kai is getting really drunk.”Paige giggles.
I glance over at him and watch as he laughs with the boys.
It’s already midnight.
I’m exhausted.
But it seems like Kai is having the time of his life.
I can tell he misses being carefree, and I don’t want to ruin it.
“How’s my little goddaughter?” Paige says to my belly.
I haven’t asked her to be my daughter’s godmother, yet she’s taken the position on her own. “Tired,” I say.
Even though I left school, Paige and I still see each other a lot. She comes over a lot after school and hangs out with me. Sometimes, on weekends, we go to the mall like we used to. It’s different now, doing things with her, but she still makes me feel like nothing has changed.
Paige is still sneaking out from time to time. She hasn’t got caught again. I’ve tried to lecture her and tell her not to continue down that path, but there’s not much I can say for her to listen to me…especially given my situation.
“I can’t believe I thought these parties were fun,” I say.
She chuckles. “It’s because you’re sober.”
That is true. Watching everyone be drunk and dumb is even more embarrassing. How did I used to be like that?
To my surprise, no one stares at my pregnant self. I’m wondering if Kevin told them something before they came to avoid making it awkward. If he did, I’m thankful for it. It is a little awkward being here while pregnant.
“Paige, do you care to walk me back to my place?” I’m way too tired to stay up any longer.
“Sure.”
I walk over to Kai and tap him on the shoulders. “I’m going to go home.”
“Let me finish this drink and then we can go.” He takes a chug.
The smell of his vodka breath lingers, making me crinkle my nose. “No. You stay and have fun. I’ll be fine.”
