It’s the first week of February.
A new month.
A fresh start.
The start of a new year feels like you’re getting a fresh start. My new year didn’t start so great. I’m proud of myself for keeping my foot down and making Kai prove he wants this. He’s still at Kevin’s house. He comes over every day after work, puts Amari to bed, and takes us out on the weekends to do something as a family. I’ve seen a change with him. I’m feeling better about things and want to ask him to come back.
“Where’s Amari?” Paige asks as she stomps back into the living room with her hands on her hips.
“With Kai. I can’t leave her home alone.” I asked Kai to take Amari for the night so I could have a night for myself. He agreed and made sure Kevin would not throw a party tonight.
Paige rolls her eyes. “You couldn’t have waited for me to see her first.”
“If you spend the night, you can see her tomorrow. Are you spending the night?”
“Of course.” She pulls out a water bottle from her black and pink Juicy Couture purse. “We’re drinking this tonight.”
I narrow my eyes at the bottle, then look back at her. “Water?”
She untwists the cap and takes a sip. Her eyes squint, and her mouth falls open after swallowing what I can now tell is vodka.
“Ugh.” She groans. “We’re going to need a chaser.”
“Where did you get this?” I ask, taking the bottle out of her hand, and giving it a sniff. My stomach churns as my face scrunches up. I do not miss the taste of vodka. “Yeah, we need chasers.”
“So you want to drink?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Why not? I’m home anyway.” What’s the harm in drinking at home with a friend?
A couple of hours later, only a quarter of the vodka in the water bottle is gone. A warmth spreads through my chest, and the slight lightheadedness signals that I’m buzzed from the alcohol. I haven’t drank since I found out I was pregnant. These sips I’ve been taking are hitting harder than I thought they would.
We’ve been reminiscing about old times. Before I had a baby. A sense of missing my old life overwhelms my emotions. I love Amari and wouldn’t change anything. But I miss the simplicity of my old life.
“We should go out,” I say.
Paige’s eyes rise. “You want to go out?”
“Yes. I miss it. I haven’t been out with you like this in forever.” I’ve never missed my old life or the things I used to do. This spur of the moment of wanting to go out has to be the alcohol talking. I want to run with it and see how fun doing stuff like this again really is.
“Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know. Are there any parties going on?”
“Ohhh. Miss Mama over here wants to go out.” She howls, lifts the bottle in the air, and takes a sip.
“Shut up. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“The alcohol must be loosening you up.”
“Are you going to find something or what?”
Paige pulls out her Blackberry, and I watch as she texts. A couple minutes later she says, “Okay. Mike is coming for us.”
“Who the hell is Mike?”
She takes a sip of the vodka, cringing at the taste. “A guy I met at a party.”
I give her a side eye. “And he picks you up whenever you need to be picked up?”
