“What are you going to do, B?”
Shaking my head, I say, “I don’t know.”
“Stay here and make him pay for the apartment. You’re raising his daughter. He can’t kick you out.”
A part of me wants to leave, and a part of me wants to stay and work this out. Kai is hurting, too. But how can I try when it’s only me? I can’t keep up with his up-and-down moods. “I don’t feel comfortable staying here and having him pay for everything while he’s not here.”
Paige takes a bite of her bacon. “Fuck that. You deserve to stay here, and you deserve a man to pay for you and her.” Paige gazes over at Amari. Amari sits silently, mashing her avocado and putting it in her mouth. “Has he told you anything to make you feel that way?”
“No. It’s how I feel. It’s nothing he’s said to make me feel this way.”
“Then stay and don’t worry about it.”
Without a doubt, she’s right. It’s not right for me to feel this way. I probably feel this way because my single mom raised me, paid for everything, and wanted nothing from my dad. I’m so close to receiving my diploma, but then the medical assisting program will take another year to complete. If I go part-time, it’s two years. That’s what I didn’t want to do. I wanted to finish it faster. It might be something I will have to do part-time while I work part-time. Even a part-time job won’t cover my expenses. It also depends on what child support Kai is going to give me.
I sigh, not wanting to dwell on this.
“What was that sigh for?” Paige asks.
“I was thinking about how I would pay for everything.” I take a piece of bacon off Paige’s plate and start nibbling on it. Even though I have no appetite whatsoever, I know I need to eat something.
“You don’t think your mom would let you move back in?”
“I don’t know.” It has crossed my mind if she would turn me and her granddaughter away if I showed up. I have a big feeling she’ll fall in love with Amari once she sees her. What if that’s what she expects of me? To show back up for help? It would feel like anI told you so.Even though I don’t know if she would tell me that, I would feel it living in her house.
A knock comes through the door, making me jerk back. The pit of my stomach sinks. Is it Kai?
Paige’s brows rise in question. “Do you want me to answer it?”
I nod.
From the distance, I hear, Kai. “What are you doing here?”
“Someone had to watch Amari while everyone else went looking for you.”
Silence hangs heavy in the air.
“B doesn’t want to see you right now.”
She’s right, I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to hear how sorry he is or his empty promise ofI’ll never do it again.
They are all broken words at this point.
The front door closes, and Paige appears back in the kitchen. “He says he wants to see Amari.”
“I can’t keep him from his daughter, and I don’t want to, either.”
“He said he would take Amari for the day while we hang out.”
I know I need a break. But not now. I feel like shit, and thelast thing I want to do is go out and see people. But going out will help me keep my mind busy and avoid dwelling on everything.
Amari is the one person who comforts me. The thought of having to divide her time between me and Kai feels like a deep wound that will never heal. I never wanted that for my daughter. For my family.
“I still have a couple of days before I go back to school after Christmas break. We can do whatever you want, and I can stay here if you want me to,” Paige says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I’ll never keep my daughter away from her dad. I could try it today and see how it feels. It might not be so bad.
“What do you want me to tell Kai?”
