Kert struck a pose, pretending he was biting his food in such an adorable way that the seller smiled for the pic as well.
“Gorgeous.” I snapped a few more at different angles, then froze. Kert was staring at me. Shit. I had no chill. “The pics came out great.” I handed him the phone and stuffed my hot dog in my mouth so there’d be no more space for my foot in there. I’d have to remind him to send me the pics as he had deleted his social media lately, blaming it on killing his muse and motivation.
By the time I swallowed the last bite, Kert was eating his third hot dog, with the onions sautéed with tomato paste for a change.
“Ready to go?” I reached out for him, but grabbed the suitcase instead. Being so close to him for five weeks and not confessing to my crush would be a lot harder than I’d expected.
“Yup.” Kert patted his flat stomach and wished the seller a nice day.
We took the L train to my apartment in Bushwick. It was a one bedroom with a living room that housed a couch, TV shelf, and a small table. Throwing parties and inviting people over wasn’t in my busy work schedule, so I hadn’t bothered to decorate and furnish the place properly.
Now, with Kert’s keen gaze taking in the space, I wish I’d made an effort before his visit. I’d been swamped with finishing as many projects as possible so I could take most of December off to spend with him.
“Can I shower right away?” Kert unzipped the suitcase next to the couch and rummaged in it.
“Yeah. I’ll get you some towels.” I narrowed my eyes at him pulling out a massive cosmetics bag. “So that’s why you brought two heavy suitcases? You didn’t have to pack shampoo and stuff.”
Kert patted my cheek with his freezing-cold hand. “If you’re the man I shared a dorm room with for five years, you have a seven-in-one bottle in that bathroom and a toothbrush.”
I crossed my tentacles over my chest and stifled a grin. “Should I be offended by how insanely accurate that is?”
“Nah, I just know you,mein Schatz.”
“Calling me your darling won’t get you off the hook.”
From the day we met, he’d called memein Schatz freund, but with time, he’d shortened it from ‘my darling friend’ to just ‘my darling’. At the time, I’d chalked it up to his flamboyant attitude, not thinking twice about how that could imply a romantic relationship. Kert had been the first one to welcome me to the dorm, show me around, and teach me a few basic words in German. He’d been my bestie ever since.
“So, what kind of heavy rocks have you packed?”
“Open this one.” He pointed to the purple suitcase I’d been hauling all this way.
“You sure? Will something jump out at me? I’m forever scarred by that scary-as-fuck clown you put on my desk that time.” I tossed the bag of bricks onto the couch, eyeing it warily.
Kert rolled his eyes. “It was a Halloween edition Jack-In-a-Box. It was worth you being mad at me for the whole two hours just to hear you scream like a banshee.”
“Fuck off.” I pulled on the zipper, flopped the lid open, and stepped aside. After a gander at the contents, I groaned. “You bought my favorite snacks?” I rummaged through packets of Spekulatius, Lindt chocolate, Dominosteine, Werther’s candy,Nimm 2 gummies, and so much more.How did they not stop this luggage to check it at the airport?Shocked, I dug in further. “And a leather-bound edition ofFaust?” I hugged the book to my chest.
“Yup.” Kert skipped around the couch, pinched my cheek and wiggled it.
“The food that you like and other knick knacks you might enjoy. Oh, and these are vacuum-packed dry fruits from my dads. The entire suitcase is for you. I found a few of your favorite novels that were translated to German so you could practice when you’re not talking to me. The crime stories that you’ve always read before sleep. I grabbed some books with the latest exhibits in Europe from the art fair in Berlin a few months ago, and a few local zines.”
“Fuck.” I sagged onto the couch. “Now I feel like an asshole.”
“You stew in your guilt and think about how awesome a friend you got while I go shower.” Grinning, Kert finger-waved at me.
“Thank you,” I yelled after him, and he pumped his fists in the air like Rocky, running in fake slow motion.
I dug out three packs of lebkuchen cookies and set them on the kitchen counter. They had the Christmassy gingerbread vibe, but were soft and dense. Similar to how I was when it came to Kert.
The box of chamomile reminded me of when I was anxious before exams and Kert would brew me tea, then lay next to me on top of my covers until I fell asleep. Other times, I’d give him some of my mountain tea when my parents would send a parcel from Greece. I used to think we’d grown so close because we were stuck in that room together, but with time it became clear that we clicked on many more levels than just roommates. Our passion for art had led to countless late nights attending concerts, reading books, and attending parties. We were inseparable. Except for date nights.
I put the kettle on and threw the chamomile bags in, listening to the water running in the shower. Was his body as smooth and lithe as it had been four years ago? Even though Kert hadn’t dated anyone during our uni days, he’d been openly gay. The people in our dorm were mostly chill, but Kert would go shower either before everyone else or late at night not to make bro-dudes freak out. He’d never had issues undressing when we were alone in our room, and I’d felt comfortable around him as well, even if I’d avoided taking my underwear off. I had reasons.
My entire childhood, I’d been running naked on the beach to avoid ripping clothes when I’d shift to swim in the sea. Now, if it would be appropriate in public, I’d be naked at all times. My thermoregulation would keep me comfortable no matter the weather, but I’d rather not traumatize people and get arrested for a small taste of freedom.
The door to the bathroom opened, and I reacted like a cat at the sound of someone opening a tuna can. The upside of having a tiny apartment was the open-plan way the kitchen blended with the living room. So as I stood behind the small island, I had the view of most of the place except for the bathroom, bedroom, and storage room.
Kert walked out in a cloud of steam, like a sexy creature from hot springs. He was drying his hair with a small towel and held onto the bigger one wrapped around his waist.
