I blinked again. “I’m happy for you.”
“You don’t look it.” He pointed all four tentacles at my face in tandem.
“Why—” I massaged my sternum that hurt as if a horse had kicked me. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I didn’t want it to change anything between us.” His tone was calm and it pissed me even more. As if he was certain that keeping it from me had been a good decision.
“What?” I threw my blanket aside and shot to my feet. “I’m gay as the fucking rainbow flag, why would I judge you?”
“I didn’t think you would.” Marin lifted his tentacles in surrender. “We were an ocean apart until now, so it didn’t matter.”
“And now it does because I’m here?” I huffed and pulled to my feet.Did I ever give him a reason not to trust me?“Never mind. I’m sorry I’m reacting like this. It just hurts to know you don’t feel comfortable enough with me to tell me something so important.”
“I do. I wanted to do it in person.” He looked up at me from his perch on the floor. Even sitting cross-legged with tentacles wrapped around him like he was hiding, he looked big andmagnificent. Yet the vulnerability in his expression was so clear that my heart broke.
I shook my fists in the air. “I can’t even stay mad at you when you say shit like that.” I kicked his shin, but he didn’t flinch. “Since when did you know?”
“Right before I left Berlin. I didn’t put a label on it then,” he added quickly. “It was confusing.”
His reveal was like the restoration of an old painting. Marin washed off the buildup to unearth his full glory. It was Marin, but now even more so. I’d been there when he’d been confused and hadn’t helped him.
“Four years. Are you out here, in New York? Is that why your friends thought we were dating?” The gallery opening event now made a teeny bit more sense.
Marin nodded. “My family knows too. I was processing it for a while. Years ago, I witnessed Ner having a hard time with his friends accepting that he was gay. Then came the internet bullying on his music videos because he had tentacles. I wasn’t ready for that. You’ve been out before you started uni so it wouldn’t be the same. The last few weeks in Berlin, I wanted to be the same person everyone knew. And not draw attention to myself. But when I came to New York, I just didn’t put myself back into any box and went with what my mind and body wanted.”
“And how did that go?” I sagged back onto the blanketed floor.
Marin pursed his lips. “Lots of experimenting.”
“With hookups?” I was digging my own grave. As if memories of girls draped over Marin weren’t enough.
“And with friends too.” Marin wiggled his tentacle up my thigh then snatched it away, keeping it at his side with his hand.
I loved when he did that. As if his instincts to touch me were stronger than his conscious mind.
“So which friends have you fooled around with?” Did I really want to know? Unfortunately, yes. “DeeDee? That would explain her attitude to me. Somewhere between jealous and protective. Did you?”
“Well, yes and no.” He looked away and sat next to me.
“Oh, the plot thickens.” I rubbed my hands. “What does that mean?”
Marin swallowed. “Impact play during a public scene at a club is not exactly hooking up.”
I sat up, then shuffled to him on my knees. “Impa—What club was that?”
He straightened up and nodded once, making some decision I wasn’t aware of. “A local BDSM one.”
I couldn’t tell if the twirls of my stomach were good or bad yet. “You’ve never told me you were into that.”
“Neither did you.” Marin leveled a pointed glare at me. “We don’t talk about sex. That’s the only thing we’d never discussed. The first year of uni I thought you didn’t do casual sex. Then I figured you didn’t date, but some evenings you returned so relaxed only one thing could have gotten you there. Yet even if I casually asked, you’d give me some lame bullshit story. I got the memo and kept my sex life to myself.”
I crossed my arms. “Oh, so it’s my fault now, huh?”
“Not at all.” Marin’s smirk was a sign that all was well between us.
“Do you remember how busy we were? With school, our art projects, parties. Besides, I didn’t want a relationship. I had a roommate with abs, muscles and tentacles to drool over every day.” I sat back and poked him with my foot. “Looks like we have a lot to catch up on.”
Marin nodded. “I guess so.”
