Chapter Four
Marin
Istartled awake at the sound of a floorboard creaking next to me. Nothing was supposed to make noise in the house when I was alone.
Except I wasn’t.
Smiling, I stretched all my eight limbs.Shit.Kert shouldn’t see me fully shifted.
I sat up so fast I sent the sheet flying, revealing my naked body. I snagged the pillow and covered my groin.
Kert slowly slid the sheet off his head, unveiling his amused expression. “Halloween passed, but maybe next year I could be a ghost. Or a sheet. A holy sheet. But with my horns, maybe a bull sheet.”
“What?” My brain wasn’t awake enough to process what he’d said.
With hands on his hips, he took a step back and tilted his head. “I’ve never seen you sleep with all your tentacles out.”
Kert had only seen them when we’d gone to the beach and I’d made sure to have my groin covered.
“That’s how I sleep when I don’t have to control myself, and the bathtub here is too small to sleep in the water. My legs are too long for this couch and tentacles are much more flexible.”
Kert frowned. “But I fell asleep next to you on winter nights at the dorm. Wait, is that why you always put me to my bed once I was asleep?”
“Well, yeah, and I wouldn’t want anyone to barge in and see us sleeping together.” I snatched the sheet back and wrapped it around my waist. Kert had gotten an eyeful of tentacles—he didn’t need to see more. “I mean, we were always close friends and cool with touching, but people gossip.”
Kert’s expression fell as he nodded. “It’s enough we’re Cryptids. Adding queerness on top of that would be too much. I get it. I’ll start the coffee.” The forced smile didn’t suit him. But I was too chickenshit to stop him retreating from the room. He looked hurt—like last night when I’d refused to kiss him. He’d been fake-flirting with me for five years of college and it had never been an issue. Unless his reason for the flirting had changed.Could it be?
Had he wanted to kiss under that mistletoe? Or was he offended that I hadn’t kissed him?
He hadn’t been looking at the others then. Just me.While I’d acted like a burglar on the lookout. Did Kert think I’d been embarrassed to kiss him in front of all those people? Was he right?
No. I wanted to do it. Feel his lips on mine under that mistletoe. And that scared me.
I’d dreamed of kissing him for the past four years. Then what the fuck was wrong with me? If I had only been open with him, maybe I could have avoided causing that hurt look on his face.
I knew I was bi at the last few months of uni in Berlin, but I hadn’t wanted for people to see me differently so close to me leaving. Throughout the five years of school, I’d hooked up with girls, and my friendship with Kert had been solid. I’d decided then not to risk it and stay in the closet until graduation.
When I’d arrived in NYC straight after, I began my journey toward sexual awakening, never looking back. My pansexual pride was now bruised when I struggled with coming out to my best friend, even though I was out amongst people here. Of course he’d accept me. I wasn’t afraid of that. But was I ready to tell him he was the reason for my awakening? Or at least tell him I had a crush on him?
I smacked my forehead. “Vlaka!” I was such an idiot.
“Don’t do that.” Kert appeared in the room, patted my forehead, and handed me a mug. “No one is allowed to hurt my bestie. Not even you.”
He perched on the armrest of the couch in an oversized t-shirt that hid his shape but exposed his long legs, which he crossed at the knee. His bare feet were probably cold, and it took everything in me not to pull him on my lap to warm him up.
“Bossy.” I threw a blanket over his legs. “And thanks for the coffee.”
I’d been the one carrying him home when he’d drunk too much at a party, but he’d taken care of me during those five years, from helping me learn German, navigating the city, and teaching me customs I hadn’t been familiar with. He’d made that cramped dorm room a home. And only now, when he was in my apartment, did it hit me what had been missing for me to feel like I belonged here.
Kert.
He was sipping the coffee and looking around the room like he was trying to avoid my gaze.
I set my mug aside. “What I said about being seen together—I didn’t mean it like that. I wouldn’t be embarrassed.”
“That’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” He pulled the blanket higher.
“I do.” My stomach churned. I fucked up.
