Leading Trent by the elbow, we made it into the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” I pushed him against the wall and held him there with a hand between his pecs. Fucking hell, they were massive. He could easily swat me aside, and my hours at the gym would mean nothing in the wake of his bulk. But he remained still, even though his heart was hammering under my palm.
“I’m sorry.” Trent lifted his hands up in surrender.
Fuck, he’d look good handcuffed… Focus, Charlie, for fuck’s sake.
“What for?”
“I don’t know. Embarrassing you?”
Ugh, this big ball of fluff. “You didn’t—” Words stuck in my throat when he put his hand over mine, pressing it to his chest.
“I’m just happy to see you.” He cupped my cheek—the paw like a pillow I could sleep on. “But I’m afraid you’ll disappear again.”
What was this woozy feeling? As if I’d crumble if someone pulled us apart. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“We were supposed to go camping that summer. Real stuff—not pitch a tent in your parents’ backyard.” He stroked my hand, still on his chest. “But you were gone by then.”
“I know. We always had bigger plans than it was sane to have. Our parents wouldn’t let us go alone, anyway. It was a good dream, though.” One I cried over that entire vacation. But I couldn’t contact Trent. Severing ties to my old life had been the best way to transition and start living as me.
“Some dreams are more important than others.” He ran his thumb over my stubble and smiled. “I think Hal was right. I may have the hots for you… It’s confusing and so fast.”
He dropped his hands and stepped to the side, then looked around the kitchen. Grabbing an empty glass, he filled it from the tap and drank the whole thing.
Confusing? Cold dread dripped down my spine. “What do you mean?”
“Can we sit?”
I guided him out with a hand on his lower back as his words echoed in my head. The living room was out of the question with that bunch of nosy fuckers. My bedroom was the only sane choice.
He plopped on my bed like a sack of potatoes, his hands on his lap as if he was waiting for a scolding. Then he fished out a lollipop from his shorts pocket.
“Do you want one?” He unwrapped the strawberry-patterned wrapper and popped the candy in his mouth.
“No, thanks.”
He crushed it in his teeth and pocketed the stick. Then did the same to a second one. His lips turned a shade pinker and glossy, looking inviting and kissable.
“Why do you eat lollipops if you don’t lick them?” I pulled myself away from looking at Trent’s lips. “You can carry a bunch of candy instead.”
“I like the strawberry flavor.” He shrugged, reached into his pocket again, then stopped himself. “And I can order them online in bulk. They give me a shot of sugar and something to do, calming me down somewhat.”
I nodded, sat next to him, and took his hand. “You said you’re confused. Is it about me?”
“No. It’s me.” He pulled a chapstick from his pocket, slid the lid up and down several times, then pocketed it.
“Listen, Trent. It’s okay if it’s about me. My transition has been difficult to process for some members of my family and friends I’ve met since then. That’s why staying away was the choice my parents made for me then. And I agreed.”
“Oh, that’s not hard for me to understand. It’s not that at all.”
What? Taken aback, I squeezed his forearm. “Then what’s wrong?”
“You’re… you. And that’s so beautiful. You are so handsome, so—” He swallowed and looked at me with those big blue eyes.
“Oh, Cupcake.” The childhood nickname rolled off my tongue, propelling me back to the past, to how I loved spending time with my best friend. But I said it like a pet name, as if we were already half-naked. In a way, that’s what it felt like.
Trent leaned in, his hand on my thigh sending shivers through me. He searched my face, and I understood what he was silently asking for. I also knew it was a mistake. But I nodded anyway.
