“Let me be myself,
Like I know I deserve,
Just leave me be
So I can find my way.”
Then he sped up, the notes angrier in tone.
“I want to live
So let me
I don’t want to die
So you can’t make me.”
By the time he sang the second verse and chorus again, I was crying. The words hit hard, so had the anguish in Charlie’s voice, and it all turned me into a sniffling mess.
I could never know what Charlie had gone through, but the lyrics resonated with me on a deep level. The feeling of being misunderstood. Hearing I was too much and too talkative my entire childhood was a burden I carried with me every day. When I was young, I was too fat. Then after I went to the gym, I was stupid and vain. Since I could remember, I’d wanted to be like my brother, calm, collected, and with perfect grades. But I had never been any of those things. Only after moving further from home am I seeing who I truly am.
“Thank you.” I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Oh, Cupcake.” Charlie set the guitar aside and straddled my lap to hug me.
I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck.
“Was it that bad?” he asked, mirth in his voice.
“It was beautiful. Thank you for playing it to me.” I sniffled, inhaling the earthy scent of his cologne. It was light, like grass after rain, reminding me of our time sitting in the tent in the backyard when it was pouring. He had understood me then, accepted the chubby kid who could never get an A on any test, but talked a mile-a-minute about a random NBA game.
He pulled away and held my face in his hands. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, the lyrics touched me on a deep level. I know you probably sing about different struggles, but your words hit me.”
“That’s what music is made for. If it resonates with you, then the meaning is as you interpreted it. It’s a bit shit that it’s true for so many people, though.” He released a dry laugh. “I wish life would be a bit easier. But my journey made me who I am.” He swiped the tears off my face with his thumbs.
“And now you’re helping me figure out who’s this big lump of a dumb gym bunny.”
“Hey, hey, no talking smack about yourself. You’re not dumb.” He kissed my nose. “Bunny? I haven’t seen you with white earsand a tail, but I can arrange that.” He smirked, adding new ideas to my imaginary chest of new kinks.
“Shithead.”
“I love—teasing you.” Charlie ran a hand up my chest, making my heart thud beneath it.
I touched his nose with mine. “For you, I’d consider wearing a tail.”
“The one I have in mind wouldn’t be a Halloween costume.”
“Well, I’m open to experimenting. If you take this off first.” I thrust my hips up, poking his ass with my trapped cock.
Charlie ground his ass on me and took my lips in a slow kiss.
I melted. Stroking my hands over his back, my heart beat fast. Feelings bubbled into the surface but as much as I was ready to let it all out, I’d learned that was not a good idea.
I’d been stupid enough to say the big words first and every time it had only led to an awkward conversation and, soon after, a breakup. “Too fast” and “needy” had been the most used adjectives.
All I wanted was Charlie, however I could get him. It would break me if he told me we couldn’t be together, but I’d survive and fight for our friendship. For now, I’d leave my rose-colored glasses on and let him hold my heart in his skilled hands until he decided to give it back.
