Kage touched the necklace around his neck, and hair stood up on his nape. “Can we drive by Highgate Cemetery?”
“Sure. Is that the Camden one? Just put it into the GPS.” Finley patted Kage’s thigh, but kept his eyes on the road.
Finley didn’t know London well yet, but they didn’t drive much for him to do so. Living in the heart of the city allowed them to have many major events within a walking distance or a quick cab ride.
The Victorian cemetery, one of the “Magnificent Seven”, greeted them with its glorious entrance as they walked towards it from the parking spot Finley miraculously found. Kage paid for their tickets and intertwined Finley’s fingers with his.
“You okay?” Finley asked once they passed the gate.
Kage realised he was squeezing Finley’s hand as he used the other to strangle his crutch. “Yeah. I’m fine.” Not true, but he wanted to be here right now. With Finley. Kage led them through Gothic tombs and buildings, some old enough to be falling apart, the inscriptions barely visible on the grey stone.
They stopped at a grave made of slick marble and Kage let go of Finley’s hand.
“Beloved son.” Kage read out loud. “I was so mad that they didn’t add ‘and boyfriend’, but now I see how silly that was.”
“No it wasn’t.” Finley took a step closer and put his hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket.
Kage was torn between wanting Finley to hug him and not touch him at all.
“We were so in love.” Kage swallowed the lump in his throat, recalling the happy moments he’d shared with Rohan, theirstudying for exams and breaking only to eat and fuck. “But we were young, too. It took me years after losing him to realise that maybe we wouldn’t have lasted forever. That being in love in my twenties didn’t mean we would grow old together. Anything could happen in life, from breakups to accidents like ours. But I still couldn’t let him go.” He looped his arm through Finley’s. “Please don’t judge me.”
“I’m the last person to do that, believe me.” Finley covered Kage’s hand with his big and warm one.
Kage turned to the grave and took a deep breath. “Rohan, this is Finley. He proved that I’m lucky enough to find love twice in one lifetime.” Kage fiddled with the clasp at his nape, unfamiliar with the shape as he didn’t take it off often. Now, the necklace dangled from his fingers like a relic of a past life. He closed his fist over it and leaned into Finley, cherishing his man’s strong arms around him.
Wet drops landed on Kage’s cheeks, but they weren’t tears. The clouds opened to let out a chilling drizzle, as if knowing that despite the sadness that came with closing a chapter of his life, Kage wouldn’t cry. The patter of the rain over the marble of Rohan’s grave intensified and Kage shivered, even in Finley’s embrace.
“I need a moment longer.” Kage pulled away and kissed Finley’s cheek.
Finley offered a small smile full of understanding. “Do you want me to wait in the car?”
Kage nodded.
“Take your time.” Finley’s footsteps were quiet on the muddy grass, just as his silent support had been when he’d stood next to him.
Kage knelt by the grave, his hand tracing the carved stone. He had half a mind to drop the necklace through the small crack at the joint of the marble, but he wasn’t burying his past. Hewas accepting it. “The Kage who was ready to introduce you to his parents will always belong to you. But someone else has my heart now, and he deserves all my love and attention.”
He slid the necklace into his pocket and took his cane to walk back to the car.
Finley drove them home, where they washed off the rain and had leftover curry. Sitting on the couch, Kage watched Finley sift through the articles from Kage’s website he’d printed out.
“I think these should come first. From a newbie perspective, I’d like to know the basics, but also how to start experimenting already. I’d hate to be forced to read five self-help books before buying as much a butt-plug.”
Kage chuckled. “You’re not that new to it anymore. And some people just jump right in.”
“Because everyone suggests they need to do soul searching and a year of research first. So they say fuck-it, try something on a whim, and scar themselves or end up in the emergency room. Your articles are to-the-point about sex and safety, I like that, but they also have simple instructions for beginners.”
“You really think those could work as a book?” Kage nudged the pile with a toe and Finley smacked his foot away.
“Of course. But first we have to organise this mess and look into publishing it.”
“I’d need an editor.”
“Remember when you told me to read about Rod and his services on his website?” Finley put Kage’s leg on his lap and massaged his calf absent-mindedly. The initial self-consciousness about his scars was non-existent around Finley, and now he adored his man’s touch on the places he’d been hiding from view for years. “He published a book about the psychology of BDSM. Maybe ask him about the technical stuff when he and Caleb come down to see us next week.”
After Finley had opened up to the idea of reaching out for help, he’d arranged a meeting with Rod to see if he’d like to work with him on his trauma. They were due to meet at a restaurant to talk, then go to The Golden Handcuffs for the evening.
“I will.” Kage took in Finley’s profile, his fiery hair, and the sprinkle of freckles on his face. He was big and handsome, but the care he’d shown towards Kage since they’d met overshadowed even the beauty of his tattooed chest. Kage wiggled around to straddle Finley’s lap and his man’s green eyes reflected the light overhead as he looked up at Kage. “Thank you for coming with me to the cemetery.” Kage cupped Finley’s stubbled cheeks in his hands.I thought no one would be so patient with me.
