“Yeah. We went to the same schools in London. I told you I got lucky in terms of adoptive parents. Unfortunately, I couldn’t come to his wedding, but I heard it was beautiful, and that you officiated it.” He patted Finley’s ankle. “Despite bad rep, both Mafia families are known to help people.” He grimaced. “In their own way. Especially when you’re in serious trouble. They can smell desperation like wolves with their prey, I swear.”
Finley scoffed. “My whole life went to hell in a handbasket. Even with all the money, it was too late.” Finley tightened the blanket around himself, wringing the soft corner in his hands. “Ali died in her sleep. I tried resuscitating her, but it didn’t do anything. Maggie blamed me. She said I was into medical crap so I should know how to help. Maybe if I… I got my hands on some cash quicker. Or—” Finley’s throat closed as he held his tears from spilling over. He sniffed and sipped more water. It happened eighteen years ago, yet it still hurt so fucking much.“She didn’t want to see me after and blamed me for it. And she was right.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” Kage covered Finley’s legs with another blanket and snuck his own legs underneath it as well.
“You weren’t there. It was my fault, all of it.” His voice trembled, and he forced himself to calm down. “Sorry, it’s hard to talk about it.” Truthfully, he’d never told the story to anyone after he cut ties with Maggie and their mutual friends.
Kage repositioned himself.Shit, did I make him uncomfortable?
“Of course. I’m sorry for your loss. And your split as well.” He looked ahead at nothing in particular, as if he was lost in his own memories. “Did you love Maggie?”
“In a way… I don’t know. I loved the idea of her and a baby.” Finley raked a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, I’m a mess.” He moved to get up, not wanting Kage to see him completely broken. With a hand on Finley’s arm, Kage pulled him into a hug and Finley collapsed into the fierce embrace, releasing his sorrow in silent gasps into Kage’s neck.
Finally, he pulled away, his eyes still dry, his throat hurting from holding the tears in. He had to get the story out now. Maybe then he could solidify that dumping his life and moving to London had been a good idea. “She demanded a divorce and for me to move out. It was a tough time for both of us, so I understood her actions. Six months later, she sent a text that she was in labour. She put my name as the dad, but didn’t want hers to be on the birth certificate.” Finley scoffed and smiled through unshed tears. “So, I lost everything, then had a child again. I had a purpose and a new priority. My son, Max. That’s when Don Murphy offered me a job on an island in the middle of buttfuck nowhere. I took my boy and worked my way up at the distillery there until I bought the land around it and built a house. We had such a good life, a quiet one. Far from the dangers of a bigcity. But Max grew up, and he was suffocating with no access to big parties and clubs. I took him to the mainland from time to time, but it wasn’t enough. He was seventeen, and he wanted to see the world and help me with the business. Who would blame him? I finally allowed him to supervise the delivery of whiskey barrels to Northern Ireland.” Finley recalled the time they packed and hugged goodbye, his boy’s red hair, the same shade as his own but slicked back, all professional. “He was so happy and I was so proud. That was the last time I saw him alive.” His voice broke. “He didn’t look like himself before the cremation, but I had to make sure it was him.” A sob wracked Finley’s body, but he swallowed it. “I feel like the worst has already happened to me, but I have so many good memories. Beautiful but painful ones, because the people in them, my children, are never coming back.” He shook his head. “That’s why I couldn’t stay on the island. I tried, but after Max’s funeral, I saw him everywhere.”
“I know what you mean,” Kage said. “Like the places and the things had a little bit of him in them and reminded you of the loss.”
“Exactly.” Finley nodded and saw the faraway look in Kage’s eyes. “Who did you lose?”
Kage shook his head.
Fine.He can keep his secrets.
“After I witnessed Mat uproot his life and move to Barbados, I figured I should take drastic measures too.” Taking Max’s surfboard and running into the ocean with no surfing skills had been his first thought, but he couldn’t go without knowing if Max’s killers were caught. “So I talked to Don Murphy, and he was understanding about it. Mat put in a good word with Jagoda and she sympathised with my loss, which in the end landed me a job here. I kept thinking, ‘What’s the most outlandish thing that I’ve never had the courage to do?’ Then I saw your session and like a chasm opened in me. So I signed up.”
“Wait a second.” Kage sat up. “Fucking hell, Finley. You said on the form that you’ve been with men before.”
Finley shrugged. “Yeah, I got a few blowjobs in a bathroom stall here and there.”
“Are you telling me you’ve never bottomed before today?” Kage bristled, glaring at Finley.
“No. But I did buy a plug before the session to try.”
Kage huffed. “What if I fucked you today? Not with a tiny plug, but a dildo or my cock?”
“I was ready for that.” Finley thrust his chin up.
“Were you really?”
“Don’t treat me like a child.” Finley jumped off the bed and loomed over Kage.
Despite looking up to meet Finley’s gaze, Kage didn’t budge. “I’m not. I’m treating you like an adult who should respect his limits.”
The most delicate touch on Finley’s thigh threw him off and he sighed, his shoulders sagging. “I think they’re extended after today, not the other way round. I needed guidance to this—” he waved a hand at himself, “sexual awakening or whatever it is I’m going through. Midlife crisis?” He released a dry chuckle. “I like what I witness at the club. Some kinks more than others, and I want to see what’sme. I have nothing to lose.”I have nothing else to live for but the next day and what it brings.
“I get that. I would hate for you to get hurt.” Kage guided Finley back to bed. “I could suggest what I think would be best for you to experiment with, if you like.”
Heat filled Finley’s abdomen at the thought of Kage picking sex toys for him. “Yeah, that would be great.”
“Mistress Renata owns the shop next door to the club and has a fantastic selection. I’ll have her prepare a package for you to pick up before work next week.” Kage fished his phone out of his bag. “If you give me your number, I’ll text you the details.”
Finley rattled off the digits and typed Kage’s info into his contacts.
“I’d offer to watch a movie, but we’d better get some sleep,” Kage said. “Can you stay the night?”
Finley’s heart beat faster. “Only if you stay with me.”
“You negotiate well.” Kage’s lips quirked into a smile. “Scoot over.”
