“Helen, honey… You’ve asked him the same question since you found his crusty socks under his bed,” Dad said. “He’s not stupid.”
“Oh my god, Dad!” I hid my face in my hands.Where was a black hole when I needed one?
“Okay, okay.” Mom lifted her hands in surrender. “Is it good news about work, then? Or your love life? Is there a girl? I’m never in the loop, and you’re my son, I just want to—”
“I’m in love with a man.” My voice came out louder than necessary. That silenced her.
Then I realized what I said.Fuck. Was I?
Heat flooded my cheeks, and the food traveled back up my throat. I swallowed.
Mom’s mouth fell open, but so had Dad’s.
“I mean, I like this guy…” My voice shook, but I had to say it all. “It’s nothing official, and he’s not even out, but he makes me happy.”
A loud squeak startled me.
Mom propelled from her chair, rounded the table, and squeezed my cheeks as if I were a chubby toddler. “Oh, my boy.” She kissed my forehead. “I hope you’ll finally be happy. You deserve it.” Tears danced in her eyes, and I stood up to hug her properly.
“Thank you.” I sniffled and let the floodgates go, sobbing into my mom’s flowery blouse.
The relief in my chest gave me a floaty feeling. I’d been stupid for ever doubting their acceptance of me.
Now, would Beck be as open and as ready to accept us as a couple as my parents had been?
Chapter Seventeen
Beck
Iretied my tie for the thousandth time since I got home.
It had taken me three days of going back and forth to set up this date with Cay, mostly because the pressure loomed behind me the whole time. The realization that I was quickly needing more than just hookups in secret had crashed in, which meant I had hit the point where I needed to do something about it.
All I’d told Cay was to wear business casual and meet me downtown by the Willis Tower at six sharp. Chances were he’d probably figured out what my plans were, but once I got the idea in my head, I couldn’t shake it. It was a little tight timing-wise for a Friday night, but both of us got done with work early enough to be able to make it.
I just needed to summon the nerves. My reflection in the mirror appeared as shaky as I felt, and my tie was slightly off-center, but if I tied it one more time, I’d get sweat all over the fabric, and that would look even worse. I reached up to tweak a strand of my hair that had moved askew the slightest bit, tempted to tame it in place with more product than the bit I’d combed through.
Cay and I had fucked every which way—hell, I’d even had the guy inside me—yet I was fretting like a teenager heading on our first date. Except this date was the one I wanted to test the waters with, to see if I could take the leap and finally ask him if he wanted more.
The thought made me want to vomit.
Cay could just be in this for a stepping stone in bisexuality, a chance to experiment with no strings attached. Except my strings had already gotten tangled up with him, and I had no wish to pull away. No, I wanted to be so enmeshed in his life he’d never get rid of me.
As if someone might be able to tolerate my introvertedness, my anxiety, my grumpy streak. He’d handled me better than anyone else I’d ever met, and the idea of being with him in a relationship didn’t make my mind churn up a thousand disaster scenarios, which was a rarity unto itself.
I glanced down at my phone. Fuck, I needed to get a move on. Wallet and phone were in my right pocket, keysin the other. I tweaked my hair one last time before I swept out of the bathroom and headed straight for the door.
The entire ride on the L had me buzzing, and not because of the jolty-as-fuck ride. My palms were clammy, and it was standing room only with the rush of folks heading into the city for the weekend. I just attempted to grip the pole tight, aware I was going to leave an imprint when I left. I should’ve brought tissues or something. I was going to show up one bucket of sweat, and Cay’d run the other way to avoid the tidal wave.
The L ground to a halt outside of my stop, right near the Willis Tower, and I sucked in a sharp breath before muscling my way out the sliding doors with a few other folks. As I emerged onto the street, the sharp scent of asphalt, metal, and fumes wafted my way, quintessential Chicago.
As I quick-walked to the Willis Tower, I continued checking the time on my phone, which seemed to be ticking away faster than I liked. Little did Cay know, but we had timed reservations for something I was now questioning. What if my plans were cheesy as fuck? He’d probably done this before, so I wasn’t sure why I’d even bothered, but it was too late now.
The building was clear from here, but as I neared, I slowed my pace a little, trying to catch up with my breath. I didn’t have to do anything on this date, truth be told.
Yet the need to take that next step burned inside me, like I was a meteor on a clear trajectory for the earth.
When I reached the entrance, I flat out stopped.
