Before I changed my mind, I opened the blue paint and poured it into the two trays on the plastic foil-covered floor.
“That’s my boy. Now hand me that roller.”
We worked tirelessly for two hours while I asked Dad about the shelves he was building in the garage, and how Mom was doing. Apparently her book club gained popularity in the neighborhood when she introduced her friends to fade-to-black gay romance, and now they all demanded full-on steam. Between the laughter and work, time moved quickly, and soon we sat on the couch and admired our handiwork.
“I’ll come in four days to put the second coat with you,” Dad said. “It looks great so far. Very you.”
“Thanks for the help. It felt like the time we fixed my first car together over the weekends just so I could crash it the day after it was ready.”
Dad chuckled, then took a gulp from his bottle of water. “It was a great life lesson.”
“I was grounded for a month, but in retrospect, I think you and Mom went easy on me.”
“Youdidn’t agree then.”
“Well, some of my buddies are parents now, and I’ve had a glimpse of their life. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to raise a child, especially one so all over the place like I was, constantly inviting friends over.” Looking back, I’d invested my time and my heart into friends who had dropped me like a hot potato the moment they’d found someone else as gullible as I’d been to throw parties at their parents’ houses. I hadn’t learned then, and the same happened with my relationships. It was convenient to take me to a party, ask me to pay for a trip to Fiji, even introduce me to parents to avoid their pestering about a partner, but no one had ever truly wanted me for me. With all my quirks and interests, my parents had always been there for me, and until now, I thought that was just how it was.
It had all changed with Beck and the ease with which we just worked.
“You were a joy. Always smiling, no matter what happened. I’ve only seen you down after breakups. You’re back to your old self now, though.” Dad paused, straightened up in his seat, and kept looking at the wall. “Is there anyone special in your life?”
I stiffened. Lying was an option. But so was the truth. My stomach coiled, but I reminded myself this was Dad, the man who had fixed the roof after one of my parties gone wrong, with the only punishment of me helping him do it.
“Yes, actually. We met a few months ago at a Comic-Con, but it’s still quite new.” I played with the tab from my Coke can until it snapped off. “We have similar interests…” Why was it hard to breathe? I was a grown-ass man about to come out, but I couldn’t get the words out. What the hell was wrong with me?
“She sounds like a good fit for you, then.” Dad smiled at me, the sincerity of his expression disarming.
Fuck. All the failed relationships. Faces of the women I disappointed flashed in my head. Now I risked my parents looking at me like that. Like I was a total failure. Not a son they could be proud of. Then again, they’d never let me feel useless.
The notion of telling everyone bubbled in me, wanting to be released into the world. I craved the freedom of having that secret off my chest.
But was Beck ready?
I’d have to be careful not to expose him in case he didn’t want to come out yet. Maybe ever.
Where would that leave us? Me out and him in the closet. Like my friend from college who’d been dating his bestie for years, but the jock had pretended to be straight while we were still at school. I’d found out at a party a year after we all graduated. My friend had told me he’d been happy when with him but miserable the rest of the time, not being able to share that happiness withfamily and friends.
Did I want that life? No. But I sure as fuck wanted Beck.
Dad’s smile turned into a frown.
Was I hyperventilating?
“He,” I choked out. “He’s a guy.”
“Okay.” Dad nodded. Then continued nodding, looking like the White Sox player figurine on his dashboard with a bobbing head. What was his name?
“Okay?” I parroted, completely thrown off.
“So you’re gay or—?”
“I think I’m bisexual, actually. I don’t know.”Was that my voice? Why was it so high?
“And that’s okay too. Does he make you happy?” Dad’s calm demeanor triggered queasiness in me.Was he really taking it so well?
I nodded. Bobblehead number two, that was me.
“That’s what’s important. Does your mother know?” he asked.
