“Oh fuck.” My hand worked faster when Beck’s cock twitched, coating my chest with cum. I was right behind him, shooting my load into him over and over. Hopefully, we’d make sure we wouldn’t need condoms next time. Because I was determined to beg my lover for a next time and many more after that.
Beck collapsed on me, his breath tickling my neck. I kissed his sweaty cheek and grabbed his ass. The movement dislodged my wilting dick, and I didn’t care if we stained the lounge.
“You okay?” I asked, moving my hands up his back. It had been another first for us, and as with each one, fear of rejection crept up in me. So far, every sexual experience with Beck had been different from those in my past as he met me halfway, discussed, and accepted my weird ideas. But more than that, he was eager to explore his newfound sexuality as much as I was. Hopefully, I wasn’t a phase for him, like I had been for my previous partners, because fucking hell, my heart would break.
Beck nodded against my skin. “So much more than okay. You?” He found my hand and stroked my wrist with his thumb.
The relief at his words let me relax and return to my body from some cloud of postcoital anxiety. “Fantastic. But now untie my legs ’cause I’m hungry.”
Beck burst into laughter, and I joined him with a hysterical giggle of my own.
I was high on the sound, on what we did, on Beck himself. And it was the best feeling in the world.
Chapter Fifteen
Beck
Ihad a successful job and a perfect view of the Chicago skyline from my condo, yet with one phone call from my family, I already felt like I’d fucked up somewhere.
It didn’t help that my younger brother was successful in all the traditional ways: married, house in the ’burbs, close-knit group of frat brother friends. My skin prickled with the inadequacy I’d always struggled with—not from the immediate family but from jabs from my uncles and comments from my aunts, which had stacked up over the years.
And now I had something else that set me apart.
“You there, Beck?” Emery asked.
“Yeah, just stepped outside.” I leaned against the balcony, the wind whipping my hair every which way. Outhere was a bit lonelier but also made me feel safe unlike anything else. The quiet and the space gave me room to breathe. Made it too easy to understand why Batman needed his rooftops at night.
“I just figured Melissa and I could host Mom’s retirement party,” Emery continued with the same conversation. “Not like your condo isn’t nice, but we’d have more space for the rest of the family. Plus, Mom’s only five minutes away from here.”
I chewed on my lower lip. “Sounds fine to me. Let me know how I can chip in, whether it’s financially or showing up early to set up.” I hunched a little more, trying to ignore the shame filtering in. This was normally the role of the older brother, and part of me worried that my dad would’ve been disappointed in where I’d ended up.
What Dad might’ve thought about Cay and me was a whole different can of worms I’d been avoiding. I hadn’t even broached that topic with the living yet.
“I know you’re good for it,” Emery said. “And feel free to bring anyone if there’s someone you’re seeing.”
I swallowed, my throat dry. The only person I’d want to bring was one I wasn’t even sure belonged to me. One I hadn’t publicly claimed yet. “You know me,” I murmured. “Always between relationships.”
Except that tasted like ash on my tongue, the lie lingering there a bit longer.
“Someday you’re going to meet a girl who’s going to turn you upside down,” Emery teased. “And then all that anti-relationship shit you spout will seem ridiculous.”
I have.
The thought slammed in with the force of a freight train, and I almost spoke it out loud. The ease I felt around Cay, the way the man seemed to lighten my world every moment we were together, fuck, I didn’t want to give that up. When I opened my mouth to tell my brother, though, my throat tightened.
What if Emery was disgusted? What if he didn’t see me the same way anymore?
“I’ve got a turtle,” I blurted out instead.
“Is it teenage, mutant, and a ninja?” Emery asked. “Otherwise, I’m not seeing how a turtle is going to be a suitable companion.”
I snorted. Fuck, now I was going to need to buy a pet turtle somewhere.
“I’m not trying to sound like a nag, man. Or hell, like Mom,” Emery continued. “We just don’t see you a ton, and while I know you’ve got your friends in the city, I just worry sometimes.”
Truth be told, before Cay had rolled into my life, I’d been worried too. My group of friends was solid as fuck, but between my tendency to isolate and hit after hit of failed relationships, I’d started to retreat even more. I was never going to be some life-of-the-party extrovert, but Caymade me feel so comfortable that some of the anxiety dropped off for a while. And that was a gift.
My heart wrenched hard. I didn’t want to keep this a secret any longer. Yet I also wasn’t going to come out if this was just sex. Why paint a flag on myself if Cay would dump me like the others?
