I followed Beck and caught the door before he closed it, slipping into the bathroom and locking the door behind me. I leaned against it as if to hold off a horde of demons chasing us. But it was too late because the demons we fought were with us. Their names were Horny and Needy.
“I’m sorry. I—”
I didn’t finish my apology, my lips and tongue getting busy meeting Beck’s in a frantic kiss. Tension left my muscles as if Beck could take all my worries away with his touch, his lips, and his hands roaming down my back.
“Fuck, I can’t stop imagining you naked under me.” Beck squeezed my ass and pushed me against the sink.
Whoa, okay.
I hopped onto the counter, parting my knees to let him in. My hands found his abs under his shirt, then traveled to his back, where muscles flexed under my touch. Separated by denim, our cocks met, and we both groaned at the friction.
“We can’t.” Beck’s kiss-swollen lips parted with the awful truth. He wasn’t ready to come out to our friends, and frankly, neither was I. Maybe if I hadsome magical certainty I wouldn’t blow it with Beck, I could tell them I was figuring out my sexuality. But that would expose Beck too.
“I know.” I pulled him in for one last kiss, and he pressed into me.
I leaned back on my hands and sent bottles flying, clattering to the tiled floor. We paused like kids caught stealing cookies from Grandma’s jar, listening.
The sound of a sword fight on the TV and voices commenting on the action let me take a calming breath.
“We better—” I nodded at the door.
“Yeah.”
“You go first. I’ll clean up here.”
Beck fixed his hair and shook off his shoulders as if he was about to enter a fighting ring, not rejoin a movie party. It was easier when we were alone, but that wasn’t how life worked. Even if keeping a secret was for the better as we both figured shit out, hiding my attraction to Beck forever would kill me.
I closed the door behind him and reordered the bottles I’d knocked over, hoping nothing looked amiss.
I returned to everyone still glued to the screen. Beck offered me the blanket he was sitting under, so I plopped next to him and covered myself. I’d considered jerking off in the bathroom, but our friends were not that oblivious. Besides, suffering blue balls, knowing that Beck was dying of the same ailment, gave me strength.
We finished eating in silence, but the curiosity-laden side-eye Tai was giving us suggested we should be more discreet if we wanted to keep our secret longer.
I leaned back, digesting the food, my cock resting but alert. The show played on, and I pretended to watch, but my mind was elsewhere. My hand found Beck’s under the blanket, and I played with his fingers, tracing the inside of his palm, remembering how it had jerked my cock until I came. I wished I knew how it felt in mine as we walked together down the street. In public. Where everyone would see us.
Fuck, I wanted to come out. As who? I wasn’t sure, but the idea of holding hands with Beck in front of our friends sent my stomach flip-flopping with excitement. Would Beck be ready to shout about us to the world as well?
Just as my heart swelled at the thought, Beck pulled his hand away and reached for his drink. Even when he was done, he kept his hand over the blanket, preventing me from touching him in secret. Was I setting myself up for another heartbreak?
The doomsday music in my head told me it would be the worst one yet.
Chapter Thirteen
Beck
Going to a Halloween party sounded like hell.
Except Cay going to the party without me, all costumed up and looking hot as fuck sounded even worse.
Knowing him, he could waltz in there, smile that stupid charming grin, beam sunshine, and end up finding a girlfriend by the end of the night. Or boyfriend because who knew now?
We hadn’t talked at all about this thing between us, what it meant, and if this was just fumbled kisses in corners, secret fucks behind closed doors… or more. Cay didn’t seem ruffled at all, the kind of guy who was fine with light and breezy, but that had never been me. I needed rules, parameters, or I’d go out of my mind.
And the more time we spent together, the more I needed something concrete to latch on to, even if it terrified me. However, that would mean coming out. I already struggled with people to begin with—too finicky, not social enough, too anxious. The idea of adding another barrier to my already sizable stack of issues made the whole thing wobble.
“How am I ready before you?” Tai called from outside my bedroom door.
With a heavy sigh, I yanked on the spandex the rest of the way, zipping up at the back before settling the cowl over my shoulders. Tai had also been invited to this party, some friend of a friend of both of them, and he was making sure I showed up—with brute force.
