Oh, fuck.I hugged him harder, and he rested his head on mine.
“You’re so fucking brave,” I said.
“Nah. I was so mad. Linc left with his family to his ranch in the middle of fucking nowhere and I was without concerts, family, and even worse, without drugs.” He took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Fuck, I wanted to sniff all the coke I could get my hands on at the time.”
“What did you do?” I fiddled with the ring on my pinkie, but even the familiar shape and smooth surface of the stone couldn’t calm the hurt I had in my heart for the wonderful man next to me.
“I worked out at the gym I have at home instead. Drank a bit. A lot. But alcohol was easier to deal with. And tried to write music. As you know, the last one didn’t work. If we played, I could at least release my frustration at some afterparty orgy. But I couldn’t. So I put on my mask and signed up to a local BDSM club. That didn’t help either, so I was back to square one. To beer, coffee, and sad jerking off. Then I met you.”
I nuzzled his neck, having no idea what to say to offer comfort.
“I’ve never let anyone fuck me. Not at the afterparties, orgies, or the club. I never trusted anyone at my back, so to say. But dammit, I fucking love being filled.”
“That’s where the dildos came in?”
“Yeah, I accumulated quite a collection since I bought this house, as if I’ve been getting ready for you.” He lifted my tentacle and kissed it, winking at me. “And there won’t be any groupie fucks from now on. You ruined me.” His voice broke, and I knew what he was saying without saying it. We were running out of time.
“Don’t—” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I don’t want you to make promises you can’t keep. And no lies, okay? That’s why we shouldn’t be together long distance. It would break us both. I can’t be miles away, watching you tour, and know that you’d feel guilty if you went off with someone. That wouldn’t be right or healthy for either of us. I made a promise. To my family and to myself.” My bottom lip wobbled, so I bit it until I tasted blood.
“I understand,” Rick said, his voice much steadier than mine.Did he, though?“But I don’t want anyone else.” He buried his face in the crook of my neck. “For as long as I can have you.”
You won’t for much longer.Not physically.
I was about to go back to my family and the town where everyone knew me, while Rick forced himself to sit alone. It wasn’t fair, but I still had time to open his eyes to see how much people cared about him.
“When was the last time you talked to Linc?”
Rick groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “I called him when I left rehab. Yelled at him for leaving and told him to come back.” He released a humorless chuckle. “I said he couldn’t just fuck off and go like that.”
“And since then?”
Rick shook his head. “I see now that he made the right call. It just hurt me so much, I behaved like a spoiled child. Once he told me his decision was final, I called him names and hung up. I never picked up when he called after that.”
His brother was alive, but Rick was grieving their familial bond. It was clear in the way he talked about him, their shenanigans as kids, and what they’d gone through when they’d lost their parents. He had not only been cut off from his brother, but from the only family he had close. From what Rick had told me, Linc was a great guy, so he was probably having regrets regarding Rick, and was missing him.
“Would you call him now?” I tucked the stray lock behind his ear, and the way he leaned into my touch warmed my heart.
“I won’t ruin his Christmas.”
“Maybe you’ll make it instead. How about a short text? I’m sure he misses you as much as you miss him. From what you’ve told me you were always so close.”
Shoving a cookie into his mouth, Rick plucked the phone from the charging station on the table and unlocked it.
I nibbled on some icing as I watched his fingers hover over the screen. He typed something, deleted it, then typed again.
“I’ll refill the eggnog.” I took our glasses to the kitchen, then returned with full ones and saw Rick looking straight ahead with the phone on his lap. “Did you send it?”
“Yeah. I just said Merry Christmas.”
His phone vibrated, and he flinched. He looked at it and unlocked it with trembling fingers. “Linc sent a picture. Come see it.”
Linc, Darla, and an adorable, cherubic baby made silly faces at the camera. “A beautiful family,” I said and climbed onto Rick’s lap, hugging him close.
“Yeah.”
“They’re your family. And so is your band. You seem to think you’re alone, but you’re not.”
Rick nuzzled my shoulder. “I don’t know.”
