“Just in time, Baylor,” Rita says. “You’re not late at all, son.”
Yeah, maybe I hold on a little tighter to Rita when she calls me “son.” It feels good. Always has, and that feeling has never gotten old. Not in all the years I have called myself Baylor Mann.
Ellen and Rita gave us more than just a home. They gave us a family. And for me, they gave me the roots I so desperately wanted. A place to belong, a place I mattered. Where my contributions mattered.
And so much damn love as well as people to love in return.
“You’re here!” Quinn greets me. “Matt said there was an issue with the bison herd out on the ranch?”
I shrug. “Some downed fence and I had to help Mason get it back to rights. That’s all.”
“Downed fence?” Matt asks. “Where?”
“East pasture by where the public viewing overlook from the state highway is.” I shrug again. I’m irritated at being late, but more annoying than that, were the cameras pointed our direction from the overlook. Maybe tourists capturing the bison, but last weekVIPhad a picture of me kneeling in the dirt looking at a problem with the landscaping by the lifts. I’m just not in the mood to show up on some webpage as I fix fences on my own ranch.
“Did Mason say anything? The fence is immaculate out by the overlook.”
“I know, Matt. But it was probably just kids playing around or something, that’s all.”
“Well, I’m just glad you are here,” Quinn says, “so now we can eat.”
We do our normal routine, a Sunday afternoon full of family and food and catching up. Despite the chill, we are outside in the large outdoor living space that nine times out of ten ends up being where we all gather.
Liam and Piper are off doing something inside, but they soon join us and I realize this is all of us for the first time in a long time. Even my sister and her husband Brad are here.
Jack clears his throat once we are all settled outside. “So,” his hand slips into Perrin’s and they share a brief secret smile, “we have something to tell everyone and since we are all here, it seems like a good time.”
Perrin ducks his head and squeezes Jack’s hand as Jack continues.
“We are having a baby.”
Barely a beat passes before we all converge on a teary-eyed Jack and Perrin. Chaos and shouts take over while my chest burns.
“Okay, okay,” Rita says once the exclamations and hugs die down a bit. “Tell us all about it.”
Perrin smiles. “Jack’s the father.” His voice catches a bit on that statement, so much emotion shining in his eyes it’s hard to pin it all simply on the wordlove. It’s more than that. “We have a surrogate, and she is far enough along we can share the news with some cautious optimism. A cousin of mine on the Thayer side donated the egg, so the baby will be part of each of us.”
Jack’s eyes catch mine and I can’t help but smile so wide my face hurts. Perrin was close to his grandfather, Everett Thayer, so being able to combine their families in this way means something beyond the kid they both want. Family, including starting his own, has been Jack’s dream for a long time.
“It was a big decision, about whether to adopt or going down this route,” Jack explains. “This is what felt right, right now.”
Low level murmurs and a fast-paced multiple person conversation begins, so I back out of it. I stand on the edges of my family, letting Jack and Perrin have their moment.
My chest feels tight at how happy, how proud, I am for both of them. It wasn’t easy, Perrin getting himself to the point he could handle a baby after some lasting effects from trauma he suffered at the hands of a former lover. He and Jack worked hard for this. I can’t imagine the stress of such a thing.
“I did it,”Jack mouths at me, and I nod back to him. Jack detangles himself and leaves Perrin to field the questions, coming and wrapping me up in a big hug.
“Congratulations, Jack,” I tell him, holding him close.
“Can you believe it? Do you ever just look around and think. . .‘how the hell is this our life?’”
I clutch him tighter to me. The feel of Jack’s comfort is a warm blanket of home and security. It always has been. He’s right. This life is everything I could ever want, everything I could have imagined. Everything he and I stayed up and planned when we were fifteen and realized what our lives as Jack and Baylor Mann could mean. The only thing missing is that guy by my side to share it with.
And that’s it.
I’ve got to let this thing with Cas go. Somehow. Or that future will never be mine.
No matter the time I’ve spent pining helplessly for him, I have got to carve him out of my heart. My mind. For good this time.
