Cas smiles, the real smile, and he is so close I can smell the soap he uses, just like on the slope earlier. Something deep inside me stirs, like long dormant engines trying to fire. The click-click-snap barely registers before my entire body ignites in a hot wave of arousal.
Fuck. After years of click-click-snap, click-click-snap over and over without anything catching, I have to place a hand on the counter to steady myself. I’m not used to feeling this way. Forget trying to ignite, now I feel like I’m going to burn from the inside out.
The burner is on, and the heat is turned to high.
Cas comes even closer, and I take a drink of water to have something to do.
But then he touches my arm.
Warm, slim hands feel just like I remember, and he runs them over my forearm before lifting his fingers to my face.
All I can do is watch and feel the slide of his skin on mine. My dick aches, already hard without me even registering that along with all the other sensations going on with my body. The glow of the outdoor light from the window lights his face, highlighting the light blond hair, the almost-jade eyes.
He wipes some water from my beard with his fingertips.
“Sing with me next time, Bee?” It’s a question, and a demand.
I watch his hands fall from my face.
“I will.”
“Promise?”
Our eyes lock, and he’s searching for something, but I don’t know what. Does he want to know our friendship is always going to be there? That he still has family in the Mann’s? I have sort of left that to Jack to convey over the years, but surely he still knows.
I catch his hand and watch his gaze heat. Which, can’t be right. I must just not know how to read him anymore, or what I want is so deep I can’t unravel it from reality.
There it is. The distance between us shows up, because I have no idea what he is thinking even when he is right in front of me.
I can’t read him anymore.
Swallowing hard, I let his hand go before I make this something it isn’t. “Next time. I promise.”
Chapter 10 – Caswell
Rise – Eddie Vedder
Lastnightkeptmeup longer than I want to admit. The solution of course is a run. The ranch has a lot of acreage and some pretty flat roads cut into it that makes for great running. Caleb and I knock out six miles in the spring snow with the sunrise.
Despite the run, despite the jerking off I did last night, I still can’t get the image of Baylor out of my head.
Open. Vulnerable. Then gone.
I could have sworn he leaned into my touch last night in the kitchen. Then, he touched my hand and all that closed down.
I’m not sure if I want to laugh or cry at this point.
I just know the feelings I have for him don’t need closure or some last project together. These feelings aren’t going to go away with a few songs we write together. Somehow, I was hoping for that, deep down.
What does that leave me with? Walking away from him for a second time after a few months of being here? Knowing now what I suspected then? Baylor Mann owns my heart and either doesn’t know or doesn’t care. Or both.
Those are the thoughts that haunt me all day. A day I spend outside of Bear Valley, in Denver, where we will be filming. I meet the crew and the rest of the cast and get a new script in my hand. When asked how the writing is going I lie my ass off and say great.
It sounds better than saying I can’t even get Bee to sing another artist’s song with me.
Since Caleb has spent more than enough time with me today, I send him on his way as soon as we get back to Baylor’s house. Nix and I will catch up in the morning at one of her “debriefings.”
That leaves me alone in the big, beautiful house with Baylor. I saw his truck outside, and when I get inside there is the faintest sound of music trickling in from his gym. The door is ajar, so I act like the stalker I am and watch him through the door, his body reflected in the mirrored wall.
