Maybe I can find something better. Maybe something that won’t be stolen like my boots were. I should quit holding out for the elusive mate to the Cole Hann shoe in the storage room. It was my size, too, which is actually kind of cruel. Maybe it will be in the next few things I unpack, now that I’m close to finishing the project.
Christ, I live in a world full of maybe.
Snow was in the forecast for tonight, and it’s already coming down fast. Snow means sleeping on the floor at Maxine’s coffee shop because there is no way the bus will still be running by the time I get off work in the early hours of the morning.
That’s what I should worry about. Survival. This day to the next. Not handsy guys who will be gone in a matter of hours. Not Matt Mann and his flirting.
Sensing my mood, Dumpster Kitty, a pretty, dark-grey kitten who showed up out here about a week back, comes to make herself comfortable in my lap. I check her water because she seems to drink a lot for a cat, and even deep water freezes quickly in this weather. She shouldn’t be out here in this cold, so she must have escaped from Quinn’s office, where she stays most of the time.
Things are fine, I tell myself, stroking her fur to calm down. This is nothing to spiral out about. Some guy tried to grab my ass, not the first time and not the last time.
I feel torn in two directions, heartbroken about everything from my sketchy living situation to my damp shoes to the helplessness of letting someone do something to me I don’t want.
The reaction to the guy is about Deny. I know that. My back and ribs still burn from our last meeting. About fucking Nico Donahue and about my entire life. One of those tip-of-the-iceberg moments where the little thing threatens to show the presence of more than what I can deal with.
And yet still, deep inside, I feel that goddamn ember of hope I can’t get rid of, no matter what. Things could be worse, And I can’t help but feel thankful they aren’t. I’m no longer in the shelter. I have a place to sleep at night, dingy and unsafe, but better than nothing. I have shoes on my feet and a way to replace them. I have a side-gig, going better than I thought. If nothing else, it gives me space in a kitchen again.
I run my hands in Dumpster Kitty’s soft, comforting fur.
“Don’t worry.” I let her move herself against my fingers. “I should have enough to take you back to the vet, depending on how the rest of tonight goes. Maybe Handsy Guy will feel bad and leave a decent tip.”
She meows.
“Look on the bright side, Dumpy. It’s the end of the month, which means thirty days of freedom. Not only that, but it’s been a whole year—more than, actually. Let’s see. I found this job in October of last year, and it’s January again now, or will be when the countdown happens in a bit. More than a whole year in one place, and not one word from Nico.”
She meows again.
“I know what you are thinking. I haven’t heard from Nico himself, but his little present of Deny isn’t going anywhere. No doubt Nico could find me if he wanted, but I’ll take Deny and his fists over Nico any day. Truth is, I can’t do anything about him, but next month, I’ll be able to pay him double. If I can keep that up, I may be out of his debt sooner than later, girl. I’ll slip you something special by the end of the night, and we will celebrate. It’s a whole new year.”
Do I even mean that anymore? I’m worlds better off than even back in February, but words likeresilientandoptimisticfeel toxic. I’m so fucking tired of being proud of how many hits I can take and stay standing. How long can I keep telling myself I’m just down—not out?
I’llneverget out.
The conflicting thoughts make my head hurt.
Dumpster Kitty lowers her eyes in slow blinks, kneading her sharp claws into the skin of my thighs, and swishes her fluffy tail in agreement. We may have just met, but Dumpster Kitty knows my entire life story. That makes her the only living creature who does.
“I knew you would want to celebrate.” I get a soft purr in return.
Chapter 3: Matt
After he disappears, Theo isn’t hard to find.
I can tell he is whispering his secrets to his cat, but I can’t hear what they are.
Theo’s little body is tucked into a ball, stroking the kitten.
“Here you go.” I sit next to him with my back to the brick and hand him a thick hoodie. While the hoodie may not be a coat, it is lined with fleece and warm. It’s brand-new Bear Valley merch I took from the storage room in the back of Black Diamond. I’ve seen the look Quinn gets when Bish wears literally anything saying ‘Black Diamond’ or ‘Bear Valley,’ and I get where it comes from. If I could, I would wrap Theo in everything saying he belonged in Bear Valley.
Theo stares at the hoodie, looking even colder than when I first came out here, then shakes his head. “That’s not mine.”
“Is now. Plus, I don’t think we could ask for better advertising than you wearing the Black Diamond logo across your back, sugar. Just walk by campus a few times when you are at home, and we will call it even.”
Theo’s eyes blink up at me. The snow clings to his long lashes for a few seconds as he flickers it away from those big beautiful brown eyes.
“Come on.” Before he can say anything more, I pull the hoodie over his head.
Stubborn boys, I swear.
