Which was probably for the best. Hallie was in a vulnerable state. Even with all the thinking that she’d been doing, the remnants of the day, especially now that she was back in the apartment they shared, were having residual effects on her resistance.
Brynn’s bedroom door was open a few inches, with what looked like a bedside light providing soft illumination.
She was probably napping, Hallie thought, as she realized how good it would feel to lie down and stretch out her sore muscles. And stare up at the ceiling and look at the nothingness while she berated herself for being such a wimp.
But there would be time for that later. Right now, she really, really needed to eat something.
Not wanting to disrupt Brynn, she padded over to the bedroom door to close it. She wouldn’t allow her ill-advised feelings to stop her from being a good roommate, at least.
Which she was about to do when she heard a muffled mewing sound, like Brynn was agitated.
And Hallie’s heart cracked wide open, thinking of the awful nightmares that plagued Brynn. The ones that she’d gotten a front row seat to that night on the sofa, when she’d understood, in some small way, the depth of Brynn’s loss. Without thinking, she slowly pushed the door open and walked inside.
Her plan was… well, she didn’t exactly know what her plan was, except that it was completely irrelevant when she stepped into the room, only to be met with a heavily lidded stare.
Brynn definitely wasn’t sleeping.
Hallie’s stomach bottomed out. Thoughts of comforting Brynn were replaced with the insistent thrum of her heartbeat in her ears, her body’s awareness expanding from the tips of her fingers to her toes, a swift need overtaking her.
And maybe Hallie could have quelled the racing, nervous feeling skittering through her. Except that Brynn let out a soft exhale, as the forearm that Brynn was flexing relaxed against her hip.
It didn’t matter that most of Brynn wasn’t visible or that there was only a lamp on the bedside table illuminating the room in a hazy glow. Hallie knew with every stomach-clenching, heart-palpitating fiber of her being that Brynn was masturbating.
Just the idea of it made her own center ache with need, even if she was doing everything possible not to acknowledge it.
What should she be doing right now? Oh yeah, getting the hell out of the room, which Hallie had entered without permission. Except that she was embarrassingly slow to do just that.
Finally, it was like her words and her body caught up with whatever the hell was in control of her at this moment, and she started walking backward, her hands held up. “Oh my god. I’m so?—”
“Stay,” Brynn’s attractively breathy voice coaxed her in a timbre that Hallie had never heard her use before. She didn’t break eye contact with Hallie either when she added, “If you want to stay, then you should stay.”
The desire that had been ratcheting up in Hallie for weeks hit a crescendo, warmth spreading through her body. Soaking, in fact, would probably be a good word to use.
She wasn’t sure how she was walking forward, but it was happening, as she moved to the empty side of the bed near the door before finally deciding to sit down on the edge. In almost every conceivable way, she was holding on for dear life.
Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea, repeated like a mantra in her mind. Only, so close to Brynn again, the thinking part of her brain had taken a back seat.
Knowing something was a bad idea and having the internal fortitude to stop it were two very, very different things.
She cleared her throat, trying not to look at the outline of Brynn’s body under the covers. Even though she was desperate to see more. “I need you to be very clear with me right now, Brynn. What, exactly, is happening?”
For long seconds, Brynn leaned her head back against the headboard and simply stared at Hallie. Eyes full. Chest rising and falling. Like time had stopped within their bubble. But this had to be categorically false; the cold from outside, for instance, was so long forgotten that Hallie wondered if she was going to actually burst into flames if Brynn kept looking at her like that.
Finally, Brynn shifted her arm out of the covers and patted the space next to her in bed. “I am very attracted to you, and I am working through what that attraction means.”
Hallie’s mouth went dry, but she managed to croak out, “By masturbating?”
Brynn nodded, a small smile working its way across her lips. God, Hallie would give anything to kiss her right now.She couldn’t remember the last time she’d wanted something so badly, in fact. “It hasn’t worked with anyone else. When I was with anyone else or when I think about anyone else. But you…”
Whatever Brynn was about to say was undoubtedly going to be the most insane thing that Hallie had ever heard. Somehow, she knew that before Brynn even finished her sentence.
But Hallie was here. Actually, she wouldn’t choose to be anywhere else at this moment, even if it may kill her.
What was that again about this being a bad idea?
She couldn’t remember as she stared, transfixed, watching while Brynn bit her lip, considering words that Hallie was desperate to hear. Finally: “But I think about you—about how much I like you, how I care about you, how good you make me feel—and it makes me feel like maybe I’m not broken, after all,” Brynn murmured, and Hallie thought that she could see a faint blush ghosting across her cheeks, even in the dim light.
The words, themselves, hit Hallie squarely in the heart, knocking into her with their sheer force.
