“I don’t think I’d trust anything that came too easy,” he says, instead. “All I know is, being here with you, right now, is the easiest thing I’ve done in a really long time.”
I stare at him in surprise. That may be the single most wonderful thing a man has ever said to me. “Really?”
The shadow smile returns, a little brighter than usual. “Yeah.”
Putting down my mug, I straddle his lap and take his head between my hands. “In that case,” I drop a kiss onto his lips, “I guess we’re a match made in a very complicated heaven.”
He chuckles, the warm sound echoing the happiness in my heart. “I guess so.”
His arms come around me, and we go back to the kissing part.
* * *
“So… you’re not sleeping great?” I’d spent ten minutes trying to think of a better way to open the conversation. No such luck.
Tristan stills, a freshly plucked weed in his hand. “I’m fine.” He tosses the tiny plant into the bucket between us.
Standing beside him with a pair of shears, I snip off another piece of jasmine and drop it into the bucket. “That’s the lie out of the way. Now, what’s the truth?”
His seated position forces him to tilt his head back to look up at me. I return the look, adding a crooked smile.
With a sigh, he returns to the patch of dirt he’s tending. When I mentioned the need to work in the garden this morning, Tristan surprised me by offering to help. I’d half-expected him to bolt after breakfast, but he doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave. Hopefully, this conversation won’t change his mind.
“I’m not sleeping as well as I was when we met,” he says after a long silence.
“My app isn’t helping anymore?”
“It helps me nod off, but then I wake up again.” He’s ripping the heads off the weeds now, leaving most of the roots behind. “Sleep isn’t always pleasant for me. As you now know.”
I do after sharing a bed with him last night. Tristan’s insomnia isn’t the result of poor sleep habits or work stress. His recurring nightmares point to a much deeper problem, something one of my meditations tapped into when nothing else worked. That has to be where the answer to his insomnia lies.
“Which meditation works best?”
Standing, he slaps the dirt from his hands. “Do we have to talk about this now?”
He’s shown the same reluctance every time I’ve tried to ask questions, but this conversation can’t be put off indefinitely. He came to me for help. If I’m going to have any chance of doing that, I need more information. “Now is as good a time as any.”
Tristan grabs the bucket and disappears around the front of the house in the direction of the bins. With a sigh, I go back to pruning the jasmine.
He returns a few minutes later. Plonking the empty bucket beside me, he drops onto a nearby bench seat and crosses his arms. “Number six.”
I cast my mind back, but it’s been so long since I recorded the meditations, I can’t recall which is which. How embarrassing. “Which one is that again?”
A muttered curse sounds behind me. “This is exactly why your app needed an overhaul. If you can’t remember which is which, your customers have no hope.”
“You’re absolutely right.” But that’s a conversation for another day. “For now, you’ll have to indulge me.”
“It’s the usual sort of thing. You tell me to relax, concentrate on my breathing, all the standard stuff.” His shoulders curve as he speaks and he lowers his gaze to the ground. “Then, you um… you tell me to put down my burden.”
Of course. I could have guessed that was the meditation he responded to, but I wanted to be sure. “That meditation is designed for people who struggle with issues of guilt or shame.”
“Yeah, which I get.” He’s adopted a light, carefree tone, as if our discussion is interesting but ultimately inconsequential. “But like I told you, I’ve used exactly the same type of meditation before. They all say the same thing.Let go of your guilt, Tristan,”he warbles, his arms waving around in the air. “Set yourself freeeee.”
Snorting a laugh, I put my shears on the end of the bench and tug my gloves off as I sit beside him. “Actually, it’s possible you haven’t usedexactlythe same type before.”
He recrosses his arms and waits for me to continue.
“I’ve found, with some of my students, they aren’t ready to let go, or they don’t want to, even when holding on to those emotions hurts them. Which is why, in the meditation you responded to, Idon’ttell you to let go of your burden. Instead, I ask you to put it down for a while.”
