“The heart is too great a luxury for a woman like me,” Elizabeth breathed.
Chapter 20
An early autumn storm was upon them. The first of the season, it had arrived with unexpected fury, chasing them inside from their walk earlier that afternoon.
Perhaps it was just as well.As Darcy stared out the window at the growing fury of the sky, he could not help finding it strangely appropriate. As the happiest summer of his memory had come to an end, the days of flowers and warm sunshine ought to be at an end too. The merry party at Pemberley had broken up not long after Miss Bennet had left. Mr Gardiner had spared no expense in having his house rebuilt, allowing Mrs Gardiner and the children to return to London and their new home with impressive speed. The Bingleys had also departed, as Mr and Mrs Hurst were eager to return to London before the mild weather broke and made travel more difficult. Miss Bingley had been hesitant to leave, dropping less than subtle hints to Georgiana that she could stay to keep her company through the long winter. To Darcy’s unsurprised relief, Georgiana had not been tempted by this generous offer. His sister had gently deflected Miss Bingley by saying that she would not dream of keeping her from her family.
Now Pemberley was empty once again. Darcy had tried to convince himself that it was a relief that they were once again afamily party, but his relief seemed to be more akin to loneliness. The house had been so pleasantly lively when the others were there. Mrs Gardiner had been a voice of wisdom and sense, and while Mrs Annesley would never dream of saying anything of the kind, Darcy knew she had enjoyed the companionship of another mature woman. The children’s laughter had made the house feel as if it had come to life again, after so long a silence. In its absence, Pemberley seemed rather too quiet, almost as though it had fallen back to sleep.
And yet none of it could compare to his longing for Elizabeth’s company. Darcy would have liked to deny that it was so. Surely it was foolish to long for a woman of whom he ought not to think of at all. But it was no use. How could he lie to himself?
Georgiana suddenly halted her piano playing in the middle of her piece, striking a sour chord and allowing her hands to fall to her sides. She glanced over at him, her face drawn and listless. “It is no use,” she said.
Darcy joined her at the pianoforte on the far end of the near-silent drawing room. They had finished their supper and had come straight through. Mrs Annesley, who was usually with them to keep Georgiana company in the evenings, had gone to bed with a headache. With memories of the lively evenings they had enjoyed over the summer still so fresh, they seemed dull indeed.
“What is of no use?” Darcy asked.
“I cannot abide it. This house is like a tomb.” She flipped the pages of her music in frustration, no doubt trying to find some means of distracting herself from her loneliness. Mrs Annesley was a superb companion. Darcy was highly satisfied with her ability to guide Georgiana on the path to womanhood.But even such a pleasant companion was no substitute for the livelier friendship that she shared with Elizabeth.
“I am sorry, Georgiana. I know it will be an adjustment after having the house so full of noise and chatter for the last few months.”
She stood from her piano stool and thumbed through the leaflets of sheet music on the side of the pianoforte. “I did not mind the noise. In fact, I had grown quite accustomed to it. I do so miss having the house filled with light, laughter, and music.” She hung her head sadly, stopping her search. “It all seems so futile now. Why do we get dressed in our finery and dine in the formal dining room when there is no one to see us? Why do we come to the drawing room after supper, when there is no one to visit with, or play cards with?”
“Forgive me. I always used to be company enough for you,” he said with a chuckle.
“That is not what I meant. I am sorry, Fitz, I did not mean to say you are not enough for me —”
“But I am not. I can see that now. We have both of us grown out of our shyness, more than we might have realised.”
She raked her teeth over her bottom lip. “Is that what you think it is? Well, it must be! You are right, I had not realised.” Georgiana nodded. “Miss Bennet would be proud to know it.”
“Yes, she would. And you should write and tell her so. She will be glad to know that when you are presented in a few years, you will be well adapted to moving about in society. And Mrs Laurence would certainly be proud to know that it was her book that brought you two together.”
She walked over to the sitting area, and Darcy followed behind her. They settled near the blazing hearth, where some of their melancholy might be chased away by the dancing orange glow. “There is another thing that has been bothering me, Fitz.”
Darcy raised a brow. “Oh? And what is that?” he asked, concerned.
“Oh — you need not worry. It is only a vague feeling of unease that I feel, so please do not think there is anything terribly wrong. Since Miss Bennet left so suddenly, I have not been able to come to terms with her reasoning. I think there is something suspicious about why she left us.”
“What do you mean?” he asked. Surely she could not be accusing her of stealing something? “She would not do anything to malign her good name, or to hurt us.”
“That is not what I mean at all. I find it strange that Miss Bennet left so quickly, and on such an excuse. Why would she run away overnight because she missed her family?”
Darcy shook his head and walked over to the sitting area, away from the too-great warmth of the fire. “I believe you are imagining things, Georgiana. It makes perfect sense that Miss Bennet missed her family and wanted to see them. She is devoted to her loved ones, and that is what makes us admire her, I suppose.” He more than admired her — he was in love with her. Of that much, he no longer had any doubt. But if he could not have the discipline he ought to have, and which would have kept him from thinking it, he could at least refrain from speaking it aloud.
“I suspect that other circumstances might have led to her departure. First, it was so sudden. She had not voiced plans or even inclinations of wanting to visit them. And then there wasthe hurried way in which she went. Why could not she have waited a few extra days to pack at her leisure, and for all of us to have a few more days to say our goodbyes and come to terms with her leaving?”
“That does not prove that there was anything suspicious about her going. Only that you are sad that she is gone.”
Georgiana cocked her head to the side. “You are sad she is gone, too, not just I.” She rolled her eyes heavenward and joined him in the sitting area. She sat down with a huff on the settee. “Miss Bingley acted strangely after Miss Bennet left, do you not at least agree with that?”
“How so?” Darcy asked. He had taken to avoiding Miss Bingley as much as possible.
“I do not know how to explain it exactly. Only that she seemed half-triumphant, half-guilty over Miss Bennet’s departure. It makes me wonder if she had anything to do with it.”
“What do you mean? Are you saying you believe Miss Bingley tried to get her to leave?” Darcy thought it highly unlikely. “Miss Bennet is a kind soul, but she also knows how to stand up for herself. She would not allow Miss Bingley to push her out. Besides, why would Miss Bingley act so underhandedly?”
Georgiana pinned him with a knowing stare and pursed her lips. “Brother, do not tell me you do not already know the answer to that question.”
