With poorly concealed mirth, her father invited him in. “This is my wife, Mrs Bennet,” he began, before making the round of his daughters.
Mr Collins nodded politely to each of them, then came back to Elizabeth when all of them had been properly greeted. “I hear, Cousin Elizabeth, that you have received some good news as of late?”
For a moment, Elizabeth was lost for words. She recovered her composure with an effort. “Indeed, sir? I suppose you are speaking of the legacy I am to receive from my great uncle, but from whom have you heard such news?”
“My dear cousin, I have made it my business to remain informed on all topics of family interest, for I have long regretted the rift between the Collinses and the Bennets. I am sure it is laudable of me, as a clergyman, that I ought to know what goes on in all branches of my own family, and indeed my esteemed patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, has said she thinks it suitable. I am often astonished by her ladyship’s condescension, to be sure! You will hardly believe me when you hear me speak of her graciousness, Cousin Elizabeth, but I assure you, I am quite in earnest. Now, hear this: I am very often asked to come to herestate, Rosings Park, and dine — sometimes as often as twice a week!” He seemed utterly undone by such a showing of favour.
Elizabeth carefully kept her expression grave. Laughter would be too insulting, even for such an absurd man. “I assure you, sir, I have no wish to disbelieve you. It is the case, then, that Lady Catherine holds a prominent place in the neighbourhood where you reside?”
“She does. Do not tell me you have never heard of her?” To judge by his astonishment, she might as well have said she had never heard that the country was run by the Prince Regent. “She is most amiable and often condescends to drive by my little cottage in her phaeton and ponies.”
Elizabeth glanced at her father for help. “How very magnanimous of her.”
“Indeed it is,” he replied. Sadly, the pause in Mr Collins’s conversation was only momentary. “I hear that you have been gifted a sizeable sum by your uncle, as well as an estate by the sea?” he asked.
Before Elizabeth could decide how to respond to such bluntness, Mrs Bennet intervened. “Shall we go into the parlour and have some tea?” Her mother suggested. She was all smiles as everyone filed down the corridor toward the parlour. She stopped Elizabeth before she could follow behind Jane. “How very fortuitous! He is interested in you, Lizzy, and it is all because of Great Uncle Alfie’s legacy. Perhaps we may keep Longbourn in the family after all. Be sure to encourage him in any way you can,” she whispered.
Elizabeth did not have a chance to demur. Her mother bustled down the hallway and entered the parlour, announcing loudly that she would call for tea and cakes.
When she arrived, everyone had already been arranged on the couch, settee, and the surrounding chairs. Much to her dismay, a space had been left for Elizabeth right beside Mr Collins. She inwardly groaned and was forced to hold her tongue and her laughter on more than one occasion.
It did not take any of them long to realise how ridiculous Mr Collins was. He had not been in the room a quarter of an hour before he turned to Elizabeth and looked deeply into her eyes.“I have always dreamed of coming here to meet all of you. And now that I am here, I am nearly overcome with the welcome you have given me, your bosom kin.”
Elizabeth did her best to give him a polite smile, but Lydia was unable to keep from laughing. She covered it with a fake cough, but not before she burst out with a high-pitched squeal. Elizabeth patted her back to make their guest think she had simply choked on a biscuit. “How very generous you are, Mr Collins. We had no idea we meant so much to you.”
Indeed, Elizabeth had never given Mr Collins more than a passing thought. At most, her parents had mentioned him as an absent evil, with a click of the tongue or a fist raised to the heavens, as the unpardonable scoundrel who would inherit their home.
When Charlotte Lucas called later that afternoon, the interruption of Mr Collins’s society was a very welcome relief. A swirl of introductions again took place, allowing Elizabeth the chance to slip away from Mr Collins.
“I have brought the most wonderful news, my friends! But perhaps I should wait? I see I have interrupted your visit with your cousin,” Charlotte said.
“Not at all. Please tell us your news, Miss Lucas. Mr Collins will be staying with us for some time, so I am sure the news will affect him, too,” Mrs Bennet urged.
“Well, then. My mother has heard the most tantalising news from Netherfield.” Charlotte kept them all in suspense only for a moment. “There is to be a ball!”
The younger girls were all agog for several minutes, poor Mr Collins completely forgotten. Not that it had been difficult to do. Elizabeth urged her friend to tell them the rest of the details.
“Well, it is to be held in a fortnight, and my mother hears that the invitations will go out in the next few days.” Charlotte was smiling from ear to ear. “It has been some time since the neighbourhood has seen as splendid a ball as this must be.”
Charlotte’s visit could not be long, for there were other neighbours to inform of the splendid news. Elizabeth took the chance to pull her aside before she departed. “What do you think of him?” she whispered.
“Mr Collins? I do not know if I have formed an opinion of him.” Charlotte glanced through the open door where the rest of the family was still talking excitedly about the Netherfield ball. “He seems a serious fellow.”
“That is only because he barely had the chance to open his mouth since you have come in. He is the most ridiculous man I have ever met, Charlotte!” She glanced over her shoulder to see that Mr Collins was watching them. She pulled Charlotte further down the hall. “I hope you will not think me conceited when I tell you I suspect his intentions. He seems much too interested in me.”
“And why should he not be interested in you? You are pretty and now you have a fortune. But of course, he cannot know of that yet —”
“But he does. Indeed, I believe that is the reason he has come.” Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder again. Mr Collins was starting to move toward the parlour door.
“Why is that a problem? You cannot use your fortune until you marry, or reach twenty-five.”
“I would never marry him. He is utterly ridiculous,” Elizabeth snapped. She let out a frustrated sigh and led Charlotte further down the hallway. They entered the drawing room and Elizabeth began to pace.
“I do not see why that should be a hindrance to you. From where I stand, it would be an excellent match. He seems to be a respectable man, a parson, no less. You would enjoy a good standing in the community. And it would keep Longbourn in the family.”
“You do not understand. He is impossible —” she began, but her words trailed off when they were interrupted by the very man they had been discussing.
“What is impossible, ladies? Perhaps I can be of assistance?” Mr Collins bowed deeply as he entered.
