“Yes, indeed. Everyone sees now that you and Miss Elizabeth are innocent, as you claimed from the very beginning. How wonderful that you are now free to live your lives in full confidence of your reputations being set to rights!”
Darcy glanced again at Elizabeth. He did not want to live free from her. He wanted her by his side, through every good time and bad time, through sickness and health — through everything that life might bring. It would mean nothing if he didn’t have her by his side. Even the restoration of his reputation and the relief that Wickham could never target his family again was not enough to overcome his sense of loss. Without her, it was futile. Rather than deaden his feelings for her, coming to the assembly had only confirmed them. He wanted her more than ever.
“Mr Darcy? Are you quite well?” Lady Lucas asked, intruding on his thoughts.
He turned to her sharply, tearing his gaze from Elizabeth for a moment. “Yes, quite well,” he murmured. He hung his head, still battling within himself. What was to be done? “Will you excuse me for a moment, Lady Lucas? I fear I need a breath of fresh air.”
“Ah, yes, of course. That would be most beneficial.” She linked her hand through his, misunderstanding his bid for privacy. They walked outside together and took a turn around the balcony of the assembly rooms. “My eldest daughter is soon to be married. Have you happened to hear of it?”
Darcy shook his head. “I had not had the pleasure of hearing the news. My most sincere congratulations.”
“Thank you. Charlotte is to marry Mr Collins, who has a living in Kent with a charming rectory. It is a pleasant little place, called Hunsford Cottage, just a little way from Rosings Park, the estate of his noble patroness.”
“I am well acquainted with Rosings, ma’am, for Mr Collins’s patron, Lady Catherine, is my aunt,” Darcy informed her. He only hoped that Miss Lucas would be happy in the union, for Darcy’s impressions of Mr Collins were far from favourable. Did Miss Lucas know he had shamelessly pursued Elizabeth during his visit, despite the clearest indications of her disinterest? If he was not mistaken, Mr Collins had left after the compromise, and had vowed never to speak to the family again.
Still, nothing could be gained from sharing his doubts with the lady’s mother. “In any case, Lady Lucas, let me offer my congratulations on the match. I wish her very well and happy.”
“Yes, she is getting settled nicely, from what she has written. Such a pleasant woman your aunt is! Truly, Mr Collins cannot say enough good of her.”
Darcy held back a smile. “I am glad to hear it.” Privately, he suspected Miss Lucas would have to exercise a great deal of diplomacy to offer equal praise. Lady Catherine’s society was not always agreeable, particularly for those she perceived as being beneath her.
“I believe Lady Catherine has plans to make several improvements to the cottage in the coming months, now that Mr Collins has a wife to support.” Lady Lucas held tighter to his arm as they came to a set of stairs and walked down them into the maze of gardens outside the meeting house. “I am glad to see her settled. I was beginning to worry she would never find someone to marry her.”
Mr Collins had certainly got the better end of that deal, Darcy thought as they walked. Of course, he would never say it aloud. He was happy that Charlotte Lucas had found her place in the world. Elizabeth had spoken more than once of her dear friend and confidant. “She will make him a fine wife, and he shall be a better man for having her affections.”
Lady Lucas beamed from ear to ear at the praise. They walked on for several more minutes until Lady Lucas became too chilled from the winter air. He walked her back to the assembly. He scanned the room from the balcony doorway, every part of his being longing for a glimpse of Elizabeth. She still stood at the far end of the room, looking as miserable as he felt.
There was no denying it now. Darcy knew down to his bones that he had to try once more. If he declared himself and she rejected him, she would never have to see his face again. But if Elizabeth could love him as he did her, it would be the greatest triumph of his life. He must make the attempt. If he did not try, he would never forgive himself.
Chapter 28
Earlier that day
Elizabeth could not seem to settle. She spent the afternoon picking up her book and setting it down again, restlessly moving from the drawing room to her bedchamber and from her bedchamber to the second parlour. She dreaded the coming evening and the Meryton assembly, and yet it could not come quickly enough.
If nothing else, she might at least hope to see herself vindicated in the eyes of her neighbours. There was little chance of any greater satisfaction. That Mr Darcy was leaving Meryton had been reported by too many reliable sources. Mrs Long had taken great pride in knowing it, and had hoped to outdo Mrs Bennet, but in this she had been disappointed, for they had already learned of it through a groom at Netherfield stables, who told Cook. There had been much activity around the packing of Mr Darcy’s trunks, and the preparations for the carriage.
Elizabeth had nearly pleaded a headache and stayed home from the event. She hardly knew whether it would be worse to have Mr Darcy present or absent. To see him would be painful, too painful. But not to see him one last time before a separation of uncertain length, knowing that he might be married when she saw him next — it was impossible.
When she had heard that Mr Darcy would not be in attendance, Elizabeth could take cold comfort in learning which was greater, her hopes or her fears. Her heart was sick with a bitter longing. Just when she knew she loved Mr Darcy, everything was over between them forever. There would be no wedding, and she wondered if she would ever find a man with whom she could share the same kindred belonging she had felt in his company.
Having given up all hope and all dread of meeting him, Elizabeth nearly fell over from shock upon seeing Mr Darcy enter the assembly rooms with Mr Bingley and his relations. Miss Bingley looked like she had been brought down several pegs since the first night of her introduction to Meryton society. How much had changed since that night! Elizabeth blushed to remember how confident she had been in her assessments of the party. In Miss Bingley, perhaps, she had not greatly erred, but Elizabeth could not look back on how unfairly she had judged Mr Darcy without abhorrence. She had seen his assurance and taken it for arrogance; she had judged him for his reticence and a few ill-spoken words and overlooked a sense of honour and responsibility that could only inspire admiration.
Elizabeth would have liked to tell him so, just once. He ought to know how very greatly he was esteemed. But as that could only have humiliated them both, she held her tongue.
Never had an assembly seemed to go so slowly. Elizabeth could not stop herself from finding fault with everything — the musicians tuneless, the partners few, and the conversations dull. Mr Darcy was there, their eyes met, and yet he would not speak to her. As a rebuke, it must be clear enough.
Yet if there had not been a secret weight on her heart, Elizabeth might have found the assembly highly rewarding. Suddenly, she seemed to have gone from a near-pariah in Meryton to an honoured neighbour and fully vindicated friend.
Sir Lucas was first among those who offered her mingled congratulations and apologies. “Well, Miss Elizabeth, what a relief it is to have all that business over with! And to think what Mr Wickham might have told the French, if Mr Darcy had not stopped him! It does not bear thinking of.”
“No, indeed, Sir Lucas,” Elizabeth agreed pleasantly, and declined to point out that she herself might have been said to have done more in accomplishing the apprehension of Mr Wickham. After all, it was she who first suspected him. “Mr Wickham is a scoundrel. His behaviour hardly bears description.”
“Indeed not! Well, you must excuse me, Miss Elizabeth, for I ought to congratulate Mr Darcy, the hero of the hour! Did you know he is to leave soon? Now that the engagement is dissolved, perhaps you have not heard as much of his plans.”
“I thank you, Sir Lucas, I was aware of his going.”
“Capital, capital!” Sir Lucas exclaimed, and with that, he was off.
