All was silent for several seconds. Elizabeth was nursing her hand, which must have been tingling with the force with which she had slapped Mr Wickham’s face. She gave a sheepish grin in her father’s direction, massaging her palm. “I am sorry, Papa. That was hardly ladylike —”
Her father held up a hand to stay her words. “There is no need. On the contrary, my dear, I believe I am rather proud of you.” His eyes twinkled as he looked at Mr Darcy. “I say, good show.”
Darcy could not help but smile then, too. “Are you well?” he asked. At the last moment, Darcy stopped himself from reaching out. Did he still have the right to take her hand? “I am sorry you had to hear that.”
“It was what we set out to do, was it not?” Elizabeth asked.
“Indeed, you are quite right,” Mr Bennet said. “You are free, the both of you. You have proven your innocence in the compromise. With Mr Rathers and myself as witnesses to Mr Wickham’s guilt, you can now dissolve the engagement without fear of any backlash whatsoever.” Mr Bennet eyed them both curiously for a moment. The silence lengthened. “Unless you do not wish it?”
Darcy said not a word, wondering what Elizabeth’s answer would be. He held his breath, waiting for what seemed like an eternity for her to speak. Elizabeth looked at him, her brown eyes filled with emotion. “I — ” she halted, then went on. “I suppose you are right, Papa.” She let out a soft sigh. “It is such a relief to have that over.”
His heart clenched in his chest. For a moment, Darcy couldn’t breathe. How could he go on without her, now that he knew he loved her? “Indeed,” he said, clearing his throat and trying to keep the emotion at bay. He did not want to lose her. But how could he say so when she had worked so diligently to clear her name so she would not have to go through the marriage? He hung his head. “Congratulations, Miss Elizabeth. You have done it.”
Elizabeth’s eyes flickered with an emotion he could not identify. He would have said she looked hurt, but that was absurd. It was his heart that had just been crushed. “We have done it,” she corrected.
It gave Darcy little comfort to hear that. Fool that he was, he had brought this pain upon himself. He did not want to dissolve the engagement. But if Elizabeth’s feelings for him had not changed, there was nothing else to be done.
Mr Bennet reached out a hand. Darcy took it. “I want to thank you for acting so gallantly these many weeks. My Lizzy would have been lost if not for your noble handling of the whole situation. I cannot thank you enough for everything you have done for her, and in protecting our family,” he said.
Darcy shook heartily with him, all the while feeling as if his heart were shattering into a thousand pieces. With an effort, he schooled his face to neutrality. It would not do to create further awkwardness for Elizabeth. She had already suffered enough, all because of his old enemy. A less noble woman might have despised him for it.
But if Elizabeth did not despise him, neither did she love him. It was all too clear that she was relieved she would no longer have to be tied to him forever.
With an effort, he forced himself to speak. “I did only what was expected of me, I assure you, Mr Bennet,” he managed to choke out.
“No, indeed. You did far and above what anyone else would have done, Mr Darcy. It is true what Mr Wickham said about me: I am a simple country gentleman. But if there is anything I can do to repay your kindness, please let me know how I can do it.”
Darcy wanted nothing more than to flee the room. Flee Longbourn. But how could he? This might be the last time he ever saw Elizabeth. And he knew he would never look upon another woman with the same force of emotion or devotion he felt for her.
Elizabeth turned to him, looking hesitant. “Thank you, Mr Darcy, for everything. My father is right. We can never repay your kindness. But if we can try in some way —”
“There is no need,” he said more harshly than he intended. “I will leave you now to share the news with your family.”
Elizabeth looked stricken, following him to the door. “You won’t stay, Mr Darcy? At least share a glass of port with my father, and come to say hello to my sisters — ”
“No, thank you,” he replied, having difficulty now in keeping his emotions in check. It was unmanly of him, he knew, but he could feel a large lump forming in his throat. To be so close to her, and yet feel the gulf widening between them, was agony. “I do not wish to intrude on your family or yourself any more than I already have. Good night, Miss Elizabeth.” He quickly turned and bowed to her father. “Mr Bennet.”
He hurried out of the room and went out the back way, as the constable had done a few minutes before. The stable was only a few paces away. Thankfully, he had instructed the stable boy to leave his horse saddled. Darcy mounted up and rode away into the darkness, his heart as black and hopeless as the dreary night.
Chapter 24
Elizabeth stood blankly in the study, her arms hanging limp at her sides. It was a small satisfaction that she could project the image of a serene young woman. On the inside, her world was crashing down around her.
He was gone! Gone. How could he be gone? She had got used to the idea that Mr Darcy would always be by her side. Or rather, that she would be at his side until death did they part. Why had he gone so quickly? She was a fool for thinking that he actually cared for her. No, it had all been duty and responsibility — not love.
“Are you well, my dear?” her father asked.
Her head snapped up, and she gasped at the surprise of hearing another person’s voice while she was dealing with the very private emotions of having been cast aside. In reality, this is what she had wanted. Wasn’t it?
Yes, she had wanted her freedom. Now, after coming to know Mr Darcy on a deeper level, she knew she would never love another as she loved him. “Yes, Papa. I am well,” she choked. “I am only over-tired,” she replied. She placed a hand on her forehead. “In all honesty, this evening has been a shock to my nerves. Will you make my excuses to the rest of the family?” she asked.
Her father cocked his head to the side, watching her closely for a moment. “You are relieved at how things have worked out, are you not, my dear?” he asked. “You said as much — ”
“Yes, of course,” Elizabeth said quickly. She sniffed back the tears welling in her eyes, threatening to spill over in anguish. “Of course, I am relieved that the truth has been revealed.” But she was not relieved at the end of her engagement to Mr Darcy. She had come to care deeply for Mr Darcy. And now, it was all too apparent that he did not want her — had never wanted her. She had been a burden to him that he felt obligated to bear. Nothing more. He had all but run out of the study when her father had announced that they were free to dissolve their engagement.
“Forgive me, Papa, but I must lie down,” Elizabeth said. And indeed, she must. She felt as if all the energy was seeping out of her body, leaving as a hollow shell of the woman she had been only moments before. How could a man have such an effect on her? Of course, she had always read about such love in novels, had hoped for such an overpowering love for herself. Had she really believed it was possible? No, she was sure now that she had not thought a love like that really existed.
Elizabeth climbed the stairs as quickly as her legs would carry her. That was slow indeed. It felt as if she were moving through water, her legs weighted down by sorrow. When she reached the room she shared with Jane, she closed the door, hoping that Jane would stay below stairs long enough for her to shed every pent-up tear inside her. She went immediately to the bed and fell face-down, tears pouring out of her like a burst dam. Why had she allowed herself to care for him? Why had she let her guard down?
