“Well, neither did you,” Jane argued.
Elizabeth shrugged.“Well, I am convinced someone did. And until I know the truth, I would rather not get too set that the wedding will have to go forward.”
“Are you still so opposed to it?” Jane asked.“I would think you would be happy at the thought of leaving Meryton. You have always been such an adventurous soul.”
“Not at the expense of ruining a man’s life.”
“But you would not ruin his life. Just as you say I never see my worth, neither do you see yours. You are beautiful, Lizzy, in heart and mind and being, as well. And you have the courage to speak your mind, while I am as frightened as a mouse.” She gave a small smile.“I know a younger sister is supposed to look up to their older sister. But more often than not, I see myself looking up to you.”
Jane grew quiet, and Elizabeth’s eyes pricked with tears. It was one of the more revealing speeches Jane had ever made.“Do you really mean it?” she asked.
“Yes, I do,” Jane said steadily.“And I am proud of how you have borne all of this. I am not sure if I would have been able to show my face ever again, if such a thing had happened to me.”
No one would want to attack Jane. She was too good. Whereas someone had thought that Elizabeth could endure all the sideways glances, the ruined reputation, and the marriage to a man she detested. Well, to a man shehaddetested, until recently. She could not say she was entirely happy with him at the moment, given their fight. But she felt the loathing slipping into something she told herself was cool, distant respect.
“Do not worry about me. I know everything will be well, no matter what happens. Even if I am forced to marry Mr Darcy, I will have the pleasure and comfort of your company at Pemberley, surely. He would not deny me that. Unless, of course, you are settling into Netherfield yourself.” Elizabeth smiled innocently and was pleased to see her sister’s blush deepen once more.
She stopped as they came to the gate at Longbourn and took her sister’s hands again, pressing them in earnest.“I do so wish for you to be happy, Jane. Of all the people in the world, you deserve it most.”
Jane hugged her.“As do you, Lizzy. I mean that with all my heart.” She leaned back and touched Elizabeth’s cheek.“You will know what the right step to take is with regard to making amends with Mr Darcy. You have always been one who did what was right.”
“But what if I do the right thing and I still make a mess of everything?” Elizabeth hung her head.“The worst that can happen is not that I will never be able to marry, but that you and the rest of the girls will be left destitute. I cannot do that to you all.”
“Do not worry about things you cannot change, Lizzy,” Jane said.“We will be all right. For now, you have to trust what your heart is telling you.” She let her hand fall to her side and walked through the gate, leaving Elizabeth alone.
She looked down the lane toward Netherfield. She knew what she must do. It was only that she did not want to let go of her pride and do it.
Chapter 12
Several days passed, but Darcy’s mood had not improved. He could not seem to get the fight with Elizabeth out of his head. It was his fault, he knew. After much time to think and ponder over the events that had led up to the squabble, he could not help but conclude that he had overreacted to Wickham’s kiss, leading to the subsequent heated argument. Had he been wrong to say such things to Elizabeth about her parents? Though the suspicion had been tormenting him, perhaps it was only nonsense. Surely Mrs Bennet would not do such a thing only to trap a worthy husband for her daughter.
Doubt plagued him. Worthy? He hardly felt worthy now. The whole fight had started because of him, and yet, he could not bring himself to go to her after what he had done. What she must think of him!
Darcy paced back and forth in the billiards room, wishing that something could be done. He had put them both in a most horrific position. They were tied together by desperation, and she must hate him for it.
What must their marriage be like because of his actions? He would never dream of ending the engagement. Though he was annoyed by Elizabeth’s blindness to her parents’ faults, he would remain steadfast to his promise to protect her. He would not leave her ruined and destitute. But there was still the question of bringing her into his life and home. Perhaps he could leave her alone as much as possible. He had the means to set her up comfortably in a townhouse if she wished, while he could retreat to Pemberley.
His heart ached at the very thought. The thought of being married to Elizabeth, yet not being able to touch her or even be near her, was utterly unbearable. It was proof that her hold on him was growing ever stronger. No, he had to make things right between them, if only to get back to the fragile, tepid cordiality they had shared until their argument. Even that slight chill was better than outright hatred.
A knock sounded on the door, drawing him out of his reverie.“Enter!” he called. A footman promptly did so.
“Forgive the intrusion, sir, but Miss Elizabeth Bennet is here to see you. Are you at home to visitors?” he asked.
Darcy straightened, smoothing down his jacket. He had donned his simplest outfit that day, wanting to be comfortable, as he was not in the mood to have visitors.“I am always home to Miss Elizabeth,” he said.“Show her into the library. And send up my valet.” Darcy hurried out of the room and up the stairs to his guest room. He had never been one to put on airs, but he found he wanted to look his best for his fiancée.
His valet soon arrived and helped him to change into a black suit of clothes with a freshly starched cravat. As he stood in front of the full-length mirror, he suddenly wondered if he was being ridiculous. If Elizabeth had set her mind to hate him, then his appearance would do nothing to change that. Logic seemed to have entirely abandoned him. Was this what happened when one fell in love?
Pushing the thought aside, Darcy thanked his valet for helping him get ready so quickly. He started out of the room, but on his way to the library, he met with Bingley. His friend looked him up and down, then raised his brows in approval.“What is this? Are you going out, my friend? I thought you had said you meant to spend the day inside.”
“I am not going out, but to meet my guest in the library,” Darcy replied, clearing his throat. His cravat half-choked him with its tight hold.“Miss Elizabeth Bennet has come to call.”
This information caused Mr Bingley’s brows to rise even further, this time in excitement.“Well, I will come with you. I am sure she’s brought Miss Jane Bennet with her. What a lovely surprise.”
They began walking down the hall toward the library. Darcy could not help wishing that his friend had not seen him. He did not want to be rude. After all, it was Bingley’s house and Darcy was only a guest. But he had a feeling that this conversation would not prove to be a pleasant one.“Perhaps it would be best if I met her alone, for a little while, at least.”
“Ah, yes, well, Miss Bennet and I can take a little stroll out in the garden outside the library. You and Miss Elizabeth can watch over us to make sure that nothing untoward takes place.” Bingley gave a contented sigh.“At least for my ends, it is fortunate indeed that you are engaged to her sister.”
Darcy nodded.For however long that might be.Had Elizabeth come to ask him for a release from their engagement? He could not imagine her doing so when it would mean the ruin of her and her sisters. Yet who was he to say? He had been wrong about so many things when it came to the Bennet family.
