I took a deep breath. “When I was nine years old, my father took his own life and I saw it afterward.”
He knew that much. But I had never spoken of what I felt, finding him in the stables, and all that blood.
“He was quite handsome and strong, and the center of our world after our mother’s illnesses. And then he wasn’t. He was always gone with his friends, often for days at a time.
“It was only afterward...that I heard the whispers about the women and the gambling debts that eventually took everything we had. His excesses would have put us on the street if not for our great-aunt.
“All I remembered of that time were his absences, the arguments that I didn’t understand. But I understood the pain he caused my mother as he kept things from her. I always suspected that she heard the rumors and the gossip as well. Then, she was so very ill, and then she was gone.”
I took a deep breath as I shared what I had never shared with anyone, not my sister nor our great-aunt, as much as loved them both. PerhapsbecauseI loved them.
“When you told me you didn’t want me to be part of case, and you were so very angry, I was terrified what Abberline would do, and determined that I had to find Ellie Sutton’s murderer to prove you were innocent. All I wanted was for you to be safe.”
“And I pushed ye away.” He took my hand and kissed my fingers. “Strong, stubborn, someone to trust with my life.” Then, “Are ye certain there is no Scot’s blood in ye?”
It was an attempt, I knew, to ease the moment between us. To say what needed to be said and then, as my great-aunt would say, ‘get on with it.’
“There might be a smuggler or a highwayman or two,” I replied and wiped away a tear.
“Aye, criminals to be certain.” He paused.
I sensed there was more that needed to be said.
“Ye tore my heart out when ye left, with just that note, and I knew that I had hurt ye in a way that ye might not forgive.” He held my hand in his and kissed it.
“My greatest fear was losing ye, and I’d done it to myself.”
I turned so that I lay facing him. I curved my hand against his cheek, my fingers stroking through that dark beard, that dark gaze finding mine.
“There are those who canna be trusted,” he continued, his hand over mine. “They dinna try to hide who and what they are. Then, there are others who hide behind words, but ye learn who they really are, sometimes the hard way.
I knew he spoke of Abberline once again.
“I do trust ye, lass. It’s others that canna be trusted. And if they were to harm ye...I will always protect ye. I canna change that.”
The rest of it went unspoken, but I knew what he meant and I shivered at the thought of what he was saying.
“Ye are a part of me.” He tipped my chin up. “I love ye. God knows, ye are a troublesome baggage, but I do and that’s the way of it, Mikaela Forsythe Brodie.”
Twelve
I was notfoolish enough to think that all of our issues had been resolved. We were very different people, who had come from different places.
Yet, at the heart of it all, in what truly mattered, we were very much the same.
We spoke of other things in the hours afterward until the gray light of morning crept around the edge of the drapes at the windows.
“Do ye want to continue?”
I suppose that was his way of showing that he trusted my judgment, and trusted me. It was something quite new between us.
I assured him that I wanted to see the matter done, so that the agreement I had made was fulfilled and done with.
It was obvious that he considered Sir Avery to be somewhat of the same consideration as Abberline. There were things he kept hidden and that obviously troubled Brodie.
As for himself?
“It is a partnership,” I reminded him as I dressed in the morning. “What do you want to do?”
