"I do. But I still worry they won't want me if I go up a pant size." I shook my head. "I know it doesn't matter and if it does, they aren't my mate, but . . ."
"But the ORC training goes deep." She nodded. "Well, I've got your suppressants here so we can make sure you don't go into heat again until you're ready. Just need to do a pregnancy test before I give them to you."
"You said the shot would prevent pregnancy, right?" I took the test from her, my stomach suddenly twisting.
"Yes, that's how it works, but miracle babies still pop up and we have to check."
After a fortunately negative test, Dr. Nova gave me a suppressant shot and handed me some vitamins. "Just to build up your strength. Geo says you've started letting the pack court you again?"
"Just Finn right now, though I think I'm going to say yes to Aiden, too." I looked at her nervously. "Am I being stupid, giving them a second chance?"
"Do you think they'll hurt you again on purpose?"
"No." The answer was immediate. They'd all shown that they wouldn't conciously do anything to harm me again. "But they might do it unconciously."
"Liora, I'm not a psychologist, but any relationship holds the possibility of hurting someone without meaning to. A stray word, a poorly worded joke, it can all go wrong at a moment's notice. I personally think that's no reason to hold back, but that's a decision you need to make on your own."
"I know." I sighed and slid off the bed. "It's just hard. I'm still hurting. I'm still dealing with the after effects of everything I went through because of their decisions."
"I think you might need to let go of the past before you can look to the future," she said softly. "You can't hold resentment and love as equals in your heart."
Long after she left, I pondered her words. They made sense. I was still angry at my old pack and it was time to lay it all to rest.
***
"We need to talk." I stood in the doorway of the kitchen, waiting when the guys all came home. It was a rare day when every one of them had gone, thanks to an important international meeting. Mace had asked me to go "as owner of the business" but I'd turned him down. There were other things to think about and quite frankly, I had no interest in taking part in the business that I'd lost my life for.
"That sounds ominous." Finn eyed me with trepedition as he stepped out of his shoes and hung up his jacket. "Are you okay? One of us should have come home earlier."
"No, it's fine. I'm fine." I took a deep breath. "I just want to clear the air on a few things and make a plan for the future."
"Future sounds promising," Mace said, squaring his shoulders. "Okay, let's talk."
Geo emerged from the bedroom, where he'd been showering. His commute was shorter, so he'd arrived a little earlier.
We sat down at the dining table where I'd laid out our favorite Chinese foods. Once everyone had served themselves, the guys sat there, watching me anxiously.
At my side, Geo set his hand on my thigh, a reassuring presence. I knew he had my back, now it was time to see how far the others would go with this.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and yesterday, I had a chance to talk to Dr. Nova about some things. It really made me realize that I need to take my life back and stop being a victim."
"We're not blaming you for needing space," Mace assured me.
"I know. But I am. I'm still looking over my shoulder, too scared to handle affection, still stressing about putting on weight, about whether I'm a good omega or not."
"You're perfect," Finn protested.
I held up a hand. "That's not the point. You can think whatever you want, but I'm the one who has all this in my mind. Some of it is due to your rejection, let me finish, Mace, some of this is directly because of it. A lot of my mental issues are because of what I dealt with in the center and with Pack Parker."
"Also our fault," Aiden sighed.
"To a certain extent, but I think it's time we move past that and focus on what you did do, not what the results were. We all know they were horrible. I'll live with that for the rest of my life. But, I've made the decision that I'm not going to let all that hold me back. So, Aiden, Mace, you can court me. Finn, if you want me still, I'm willing to have you as my alpha again."
"Part of your pack?" His eyes lit up.
Geo gave my leg a reassuring squeeze. Letting me know that he was okay with this step, even though I hadn't talked to him about it. He'd always known I might accept one or more of the alphas back.
"Here's the deal, though," I took a fortune cookie and cracked it open. "I want to be independent. I know I'm not allowed to do so many things according to the law, but I want the freedom to choose. I will never sit around waiting for my alphas again, or serve you hand and foot. Everything I do will be because I want to, not because I'm obligated to as your omega. If that's an issue for you, then you can walk away, no questions asked."
