"I did. You made me drop it."
"Shit." He ran a hand through his curls. "Okay, I can fix this. Get dressed and I'll take you out. Anywhere you want. You can eat and then we'll get you more food. Blankets. Anything."
I stood for a moment staring at the man who was on the verge of breaking down right in front of me. He looked terrible. His usually neatly shaved face was covered in days old stubble and he had bags under his eyes. I should be furious with him and I was, but . . . why not accept some help? He owed me. They all did.
"Okay."
I shut the door in his face, took a shower and got dressed before pocketing the keycard and stepping out into the light of day.
Finn leaned against the railing waiting, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. His eyes lit up when he saw me come out of the room.
"This doesn't mean forgiveness. It means I'm owed a lot and I'm taking it," I told him.
"Understood." His head bobbed, his hair bouncing. "I will grovel for a million years if you want and you don't ever have to forgive me. But Liora, I am really, really sorry."
"I know. But sorry doesn't fix what you broke." I let out a sigh and waved a hand. "Let's go. I'm hungry."
He made me wait while he ran for his car, which was parked somewhere out of sight. That alone made me suspicious, but I pushed the thought aside. There was time for all that later. Right now, my stomach was rumbling and all I could think about was a steak from my favorite restaurant.
"Here," Finn opened the door for me. He leaned over and pulled the seatbelt across my lap and checked that it was secure before he carefully closed the door, all without actually touching me.
Once he was in the driver's seat, he looked at me hopefully. "What do you want to eat?"
"Rosemary's steak."
He grinned at me. "Good choice."
We drove to the restaurant and he took me inside, careful not to actually touch me, but opening the door, pulling out my chair and acting like a perfect gentleman. But that had never been the issue. They'd all been gentlemen, right up until the end. Maybe I didn't want someone who was polite and perfect and polished. I wanted messy and emotional and loving.
The thought made my chest ache and I stopped eating, staring at my steak with a sick feeling in my stomach. There was no way I could have what I was craving. A loving pack that would actually care enough about me to focus on my needs over their duties elsewhere.
"What's wrong?" Finn immediately picked up on my unhappiness.
"Just coming to some realizations." I poked at my food, not as hungry anymore, but determined not to waste food.
"Like?" he prompted, a small frown on his face.
"Like the fact that what I want in life is impossible to have for someone like me." I regretted the words the second they slipped out, seeing the flash of pain in his eyes.
"What do you want in life, Liora? I will do everything I can to give it to you."
"You can't," I said sadly. "No one can."
We ate in silence for the rest of the meal. I turned down dessert when it was offered and Finn led me back to the car. I was tired already, my body too worn down to handle more than going to a restaurant to eat, so I told Finn to take me back to the hotel instead of going shopping like he'd suggested.
Back in my room, I took my pills, curled up on the bed, and sobbed into the pillows.
Chapter 15
Recovery
Finn
Icould hear her crying in the room and every molecule of my body wanted to break down the door and gather her up in my arms. Her hurt and sandess filtered through the bond in minute amounts and I knew she was trying to block it. Aiden's concern and Mace's worry came through, too, just before my phone buzzed with a text message in our shared chat.
Aiden: What's going on with our girl?
Me: She's crying. Said she'd never get what she wanted in life.
