“I was such an ass,” he says, his regret evident. “I never understood how important she was to you. How important Katya is.”
“Aiden, I?—”
“I didn’t want to,” he whispers. “I was too wrapped up in keeping my family happy.”
An apology can’t erase the years I felt like a guest in my own life. But his honesty reaches something raw in me, something tightly wound and long buried. Maybe forgiveness isn’t a grand gesture. Perhaps it’s just another kind of love—the silent kind that stays behind after everything else has broken.
“Aiden?”
“Baby.”
“I wish you were here.”
A beat. “You want me to come over?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t want to lean on you.”
And with that, I let go. I sob until I can’t breathe, until my chest aches and my throat burns.
He stays on the line. Listens. Tells me he loves me. Promises me he’ll never overlook my needs again. Vows to do better, be better—for me, for us.
I cry the whole time. Then, when I’m drained, I say goodbye and go to bed.
He sends a last message: Sleep well, baby. And call me any time you need to talk.
That night, my grief for losing Anya becomes sharper, more present, more consuming than the grief of losing Aiden.
Because somewhere, deep down, I have begun to believe I haven’t lost him. That it’s only a matter of time before we find our way back to each other. It’s the hope I dared not have, but it has wormed its way inside of me.
I’m scared of how things will turn out.
And that’s when I hear Anya’s voice in my head, how she used to comfort and advise.
“You can either be anxious or excited about the unknown. I say be excited. It’s the only way to fully live.”
CHAPTER 26
Aiden
The sky is that rich shade of summertime blue as I get ready to pick up my ex-wife and hopefully soon-to-be wife for our second post-divorce date.
Today’s date is simple. Honey tasting at a local apiary in East Montpelier, lunch at a rustic spot that serves grilled cheese and local cider, then a short hike through a wooded trail.
I look at my watch. Another hour to go before I can see her. I do this a lot, keep track of when I’ll see Mia.
I had her hereallthe time, and I was a fool to let her slip through my fingers. How could I have been so blind to how much I need her, want her, love her? Having her with me, having her generously put up with my bullshit, made me complacent.
I didn’t do the work to keep our marriage healthy and thriving. I didn’t give her the space to be herself.
I put work and my family before her and our life together, and while I did that, I put Diana before her as well. That crushes me, that I was once excited to be with Diana, enjoyed her business acumen, and her company.
Now, she disgusts me.
My marriage falling apart is not her fault. It’s entirely mine.ButDiana deliberately set out to hurt Mia, and that crossed all the lines that can be crossed.
