Sive reared back in horror. ‘So your mum put you up to this? This bizarre proposal was her idea?’ She’d have credited Bridget with more sense.
‘No, she doesn’t know anything about it, and please don’t tell her. She just said I had to step up and be a proper dad – support you and all that.’
‘And this was what you came up with? You know you can still be a dad, even if we’re not together?’
‘And I want to be. I’ll do whatever.’ He raked a hand through his hair, appearing distraught. ‘I wish—’
She knew what he was thinking – she’d thought it herself so many times since she’d found out she was pregnant. This would all be so much easier if Anna had never happened, if they hadn’t split up. They’d be doing this together – as she’d always assumed they would one day.
‘You don’t, though,’ she said softly. ‘Not really. You’re happy with An—Inez.’
He sighed, silently acknowledging the truth of that.
‘There is one thing I want to ask you, though.’ It had been preying on her mind ever since they’d broken up, and even more so after she found out she was pregnant. She’d been too blindsided at the time to ask, but she needed to know the answer. Ben would be going back to Portugal tomorrow, and she may never have the nerve again to ask.
‘Yeah?’
‘When you came back from Nepal … why did you wait a week before breaking up with me?’ That felt like the biggest betrayal of all – that the last time they’d been together, he was thinking about someone else, and he hadn’t really been with her at all. It was what hurt the most once she was over the initial shock of their break-up. ‘You must have known then that you wanted to be with Inez.’
He shrugged. ‘I wasn’t sure, I suppose. I thought maybe it was just a holiday thing, you know? That I was missing you, and once I was back here with you, everything would be the same as always and those feelings would go away.’
‘I suppose I get that. But it wasn’t very nice of you to sleep with me when you were thinking about someone else.’
‘God, I never wanted to hurt you, Sive.’ His voice was thick and his eyes welled up with tears. ‘You’re my best friend. I honestly thought those feelingswouldgo away. I wanted them to. I broke up with you as soon as I realised that wasn’t going to happen. And you know nothing happened with Inez in Nepal. I told her I had a girlfriend.’
She was glad he hadn’t cheated on her at least. Even if he’d wanted to, it was good to know he’d been loyal and respectful enough to break up with her before allowing anything to happen with someone else. He was going to be the father of her child, and he’d always be in her life now. It was important to her to know that he was a good person, as she’d always believed him to be.
Some people might think she was an idiot to believe him. But she knew Ben well enough to trust that it was true. He hadn’t even broken up with her in a cruel way. He hadn’t said he didn’t love her anymore. He hadn’t led with Anna Purna. They’d been lying together on his bed and he’d asked her how she’d feel about splitting up, as if it wasn’t a unilateral decision he could make, but something they should discuss and agree on together.
She’d been taken aback by the question, coming out of the blue for her. She’d pushed out of his arms and pulled back to look at him properly.
‘Doyouwant to split up?’ she’d asked him. They hadn’t been arguing. There’d been no fighting. They’d been getting along well, she’d thought. She’d been happy he was back and they were together again. She’d assumed he felt the same.
She’d studied his face, but he was looking down at the bed, not meeting her eyes. ‘Did you … is there someone else?’
There had been a long pause before he’d answered quietly, ‘Yeah, there is. Someone I met on the Annapurna Circuit. She was leading another group.’
‘Oh.’ Sive had sat up, wrapping her arms around herself. She’d felt suddenly cold and hollow.
Then she’d burst into tears and Ben had taken her in his arms and said they didn’t have to split up if she didn’t want to. Which was ridiculous, because how could you hold someone to that? Tell them yes, you wanted them to stay with you when they clearly wanted to go? So she’d wiped her eyes and told him it was okay, she was fine with breaking up, and she’d let him tell her about the woman he’d met, whose name was Inez. She was Portuguese and a mountain guide like him.
‘So you’ll be doing the long-distance thing?’
But it turned out Ben was planning to move to Lisbon as soon as Sive gave him the okay.
After the initial shock and upset, when she’d calmed down, she realised she wasn’t as devastated as she’d have expected to be at the end of such a long relationship, and she felt maybe it was the best thing, not just for Ben but for her too.
She was glad now that she hadn’t made it difficult for him, that it had been amicable and respectful. It meant they could remain friends, and now that Ben would always be in her life as the father of her child, she was grateful for that. They’d still befriends – family even – and Bean wouldn’t have hostile, warring parents. It was better for all of them.
When she got back to her house, only Aoife and Mimi were still sitting at the table among the detritus of dinner.
‘Are Jonathan and Sam gone?’
‘Yeah,’ Aoife said. ‘They said to tell you thanks for dinner.’
‘Where’s Rocco?’ She sat down at the table.
‘I sent him home ahead,’ Mimi said. ‘I wanted to hear what happened with Ben.’
