‘I don’t know yet for sure. I only did the test yesterday. But it can’t be more than five or six weeks, I guess. I’ll make a doctor’s appointment next week.’
‘So we’re going to be aunties!’ Mimi said excitedly.
‘I have always wanted to be an aunt.’ Aoife smiled, and Sive was glad to see she appeared more relaxed now that the initial shock was over.
‘Me too!’ Mimi clapped her hands. ‘This is so exciting! Our first baby! Who’d have thought the baby of the family would be the first to have one? It doesn’t seem right.’
‘I won’t be the baby of the family anymore,’ Sive said with a smile. She was relieved the atmosphere had lightened and she seemed to have successfully allayed her sisters’ concerns. As they babbled excitedly about the baby, she couldn’t help wishing they’d all still be living together when it came, and they could raise it together in this house. It wouldn’t seem like such a daunting prospect then. But they had their own lives to live. Time moved on and things changed. ‘I wish Mum was here,’ she said, the thought seeming to come from nowhere. ‘And Dad.’
‘I know.’ Mimi clasped her hand. ‘Their first grandchild.’
‘And Detta,’ Aoife said sadly.
Sive nodded. ‘My baby will be making its stage debut before it’s even born. She’d have loved that.’ She felt tears pricking her eyes. ‘I wish my child could have a Great-aunt Detta in its life.’
‘But it’ll have us!’ Mimi said brightly, shaking off the sombre mood that had fallen over the three of them. ‘Two doting stagestruck aunts to carry on Detta’s legacy and three adoring honorary uncles to spoil it rotten.’
‘Three?’ Sive frowned. ‘Jonathan and Rocco, of course, but who’s the third?’
‘Sam. Even if you two aren’t together, he’s part of this family now and I’m sure he’ll be a very devoted uncle.’
The image this conjured in Sive’s mind gave her a pang. She could so easily see how Sam would be with a child – enthusiastic, thoroughly over-indulgent, full of fun… If only this baby were his. Then everything would be perfect.
‘So I guess this is why we’re all going skating tomorrow?’ Mimi said dryly.
‘Yes,’ Sive said sheepishly. ‘And it also means I shouldn’t skate.’ She’d googled it and it was definitely contraindicated in her condition.
‘Gosh, yes. I suppose it does,’ Mimi said.
‘But I’ll come with you for the apres-skate.’
‘That’s the best part anyway,’ Aoife said consolingly, even though they all knew it wasn’t true. ‘But what will you tell the others?’
‘I’ll say I twisted my ankle or something and need to rest it.’ Everything was so different already. A week ago she could have gone skating with Sam on a real date, just the two of them. She could have held his hand as they whizzed around the ice without a care in the world. She could have clung onto him when she was slipping. She could have let him kiss her …
But everything was different now. Her life had changed dramatically in the blink of an eye and nothing would ever be the same again.
Afternoon slid into evening, daylight fading as they talked and talked. They cooked and ate dinner, swaddling Sive in a blanket of cosy familiarity. She went to bed feeling more sanguine. Knowing her sisters were just across the landing in their own bedrooms gave her a watertight sense of snugness and security.
But once she got into bed, her mind started whirring again and she couldn’t get to sleep as the reality of her situation hit her anew. It was all very well talking about swing sets and first birthday parties with Mimi and Aoife, but what about the day-to-day practicalities of having a child? She had no idea how to be a mother.
One thing she did know – babies cost money, lots of it. They needed bottles, nappies, pushchairs, car seats … a car! They started growing out of their clothes the minute they were born. How would she possibly afford it all? She was in a cold sweat just thinking about it. And then later it would have to go to school and it’d need books and good shoes and money for trips and all sorts of extra-curricular activities. Was she being ridiculousthinking she could do this? Was it even fair of her to inflict herself on a child?
She sat up and turned on the light, her heart pounding. She was starting to panic again. She needed to make a plan. She was going to be a mother, she’d have responsibilities, another whole person completely dependent on her. She couldn’t keep playing around at being an actress, that was clear. She’d have to get a sensible, steady grown-up job.
She reached for a notepad and pen from her nightstand and started to make a list of what she needed to do to prepare for the baby – starting with ‘get proper job’. But what? She wasn’t trained for anything except acting. Although … she’d taken all those courses so she could add to the ‘special skills’ section of her CV. There must be something there. Maybe she could be a yoga teacher or a barrista – she’d mimed both to great effect as a background artist. But neither of those paid very well. There was day trading… whatever that was. But she had a vague idea that some people made a lot of money that way. She’d google it in the morning and do some more research.
She sank back against the pillows and switched off the light. She was still feeling jittery, but she finally drifted off to sleep through sheer exhaustion.
12
As they allate breakfast together the next morning, Sive couldn’t shake off her worries from last night.
‘Is everything okay, Sive?’ Mimi frowned concernedly at her.
‘Well, no,’ she said with a shaky laugh. ‘I’m pregnant, remember?’
‘I know that’s scary, but I thought you were happy about it?’
