Sive had to admit Mimi and Rocco were a very convincing argument for taking a chance on love. She’d never seen a couple so happy together, so perfectly attuned to each other.
‘I know it’s scary,’ Mimi said, her face softening. ‘But it’s so worth it. Believe me, I’d much rather have what we have now than bepalswith Rocco.’ She rolled her eyes.
‘And if it hadn’t worked out? What if you’d wrecked even the chance to be friends?’
Mimi gave a puzzled frown.
‘Better to have loved and lost?’ Sive suggested with a smile.
‘Okay, you got me.’ Mimi raised her hands, palms up. ‘I’m all out of platitudes for today.’ She forked a jalapeno popper. ‘Besides, I can’t see you and Sam ever falling out. You’re both far too amicable and easy-going to let that happen, even if it doesn’t work out between you romantically.’
‘So … I have nothing to lose?’ Sive bit her lip, feeling a little shiver of excitement at the thought.
‘Nothing but potentially the greatest love of your life,’ Mimi said with a grin.
Sive thought about everything Mimi had said as she got ready for bed that night. There was no denying she liked Sam – and not in a sisterly way. So why was she so hesitant to pursue it? It wasn’t like her. She’d always seen herself as a go-with-the-flow, fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants kind of girl who threw herself headlong into life with carefree abandon.
But how true was that really? Perhaps it wasn’t by chance that nothing in her life had altered much since their parents died. She was still living with her sisters in their childhood home; she’d had the same boyfriend since she was fifteen. Maybe she wasn’t the free spirit she thought she was. Looked at objectively, her life was small, sheltered. Had she been clinging to the familiar all this time, playing it safe because deep down she was afraid of change?
She tried to sort out her feelings about Ben. She missed him, but not as much as she felt she should. Maybe it was because she’d got used to him being away for long stretches of time. It probably should have told her something that they’d led separate lives for almost a year, and she hadn’t minded much. But she knew what it meant to be able to do what you loved as a job, and she’d been happy for him that he had that. And she’d had her own work to throw herself into. She’d had no problem getting on with her life during his long absences. She’d missed him, but she’d always known he was out there somewhere, still hers, still coming back to her at the end of his trip. Maybe it was that idea of him that she missed more than anything.
She knew her sisters had never really understood the relationship. She and Ben were so different; they had so little in common. But Sive suspected that was partly what had drawn her to him. She’d loved his steadiness and stillness, and taken comfort in his quiet, dependable presence. Maybe she’d clung to the security of it more than she realised, hungry for any scrap ofcontinuity that was left after the death of her parents when her life was full of chaos and upheaval.
She’d had her sisters, of course, but they’d been dealing with the loss in their own ways. Aoife was struggling to take on the role of parent, doing her best to provide a sense of normality and security for Sive and Mimi, and Sive hadn’t wanted to make it any harder for her than it already was – especially since Mimi had that covered, acting out and rebelling in every way she could think of. It had seemed to Sive that the best she could do to help was to keep her head down and not rock the boat. She’d felt strangely lonely at times, despite the three of them living together. It was like there was no room for her grief and anguish, no space for her to fall apart. She’d done her best to stay positive and cheerful, and support Aoife by not making waves.
Having Ben had been such a comfort in that time, knowing there was someone who was there for her who wasn’t dealing with his own grief and could make room for hers. She’d always be grateful to him for that.
She’d loved the closeness and ease of being with Ben. It was familiar and cosy, like a comfort blanket – which didn’t sound like the kind of relationship she should be settling for at her age. And while the thought of starting something new was scary, it was exciting too. Maybe it was time to live up to her self-image and take some chances…
7
The following Friday,Sive met Sam at The Halfpenny Place for breakfast before rehearsals. She waved hello to Chloe, who was busy behind the counter as she entered, then joined Sam in the small queue for service. It was early and there was only one of the pretty mosaic bistro tables occupied, but there was a steady stream of customers leaving, bearing trays of coffee and bags emitting delicious aromas of freshly baked bread and pastries.
‘Morning!’ Chloe greeted them cheerfully when it was their turn. ‘You’re early.’
‘Thought we’d stock up on carbs before rehearsal,’ Sam said.
‘We miss you around here,’ Chloe said to Sam. ‘You’ve been neglecting us lately.’
‘I still come in all the time,’ Sam protested.
‘Not as often as you used to.’
‘Ah, well, I’m not in charge of the Halfpenny Lane refreshments anymore. It’s the downside of being a big fancy actor.’
‘The price of fame! I should probably get a selfie with you now – get in ahead of the game. Then when you’re a big movie star, I can make my fortune selling it on eBay.’
Sive listened to their chatter while she surveyed the baked goods displayed in the glass counter and tried to decide what to have. Everything looked so good. She thought Sam and Chloe might be flirting, but she couldn’t be sure. Sam was so open and friendly with everyone, she couldn’t tell. This was exactly the kind of behaviour she’d been talking about to Mimi.
When they’d ordered coffee and breakfast rolls, Sam carried their tray to a table by the window.
‘This looks amazing,’ Sive said as he slid the tray onto the table, steaming mugs of coffee wafting delicious aromas. ‘We should do this more often.’ Sam looked as delicious as the pastries – fresh-faced despite the early hour and dressed in the standard rehearsal uniform of dark yoga pants and soft, loose jumper. Maybe Mimi was right and she needed to make the first move. She just wasn’t sure how to go about it.
‘I presume you’ll be at the party at Rocco’s tomorrow?’ she asked as she tore off a piece of roll. It was the last performance ofPrivate Livesand Rocco was throwing a closing night party at his house.
‘I sure will. I can’t go too wild, though. We’ll be striking the set on Sunday.’
‘You know you don’t have to do that, now that you’re a big fancy actor?’ she said teasingly.
