Rosie gathers me up in her strong arms, a shushing sound passing her lips, like you would sooth a child.
“I’m alright,” I protest.
“No, you’re not. And that’s okay, Gee. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re not okay.”
“Fine.” I sniff, oh so elegantly wiping away my snot with the back of my hand. “I’m not okay. Not at all.”
There’s a long pause of silence.
So long, in fact, that I peel open my eyes to peer at my best friend.
Rosie’s mouth is twisted up to one side, her tell-tale sign that she’s debating something.
“Have you heard from him at all?”
I nod, holding up a single finger. “Once.”
“And? What did he say?”
“He texted me a couple of days ago… He was just reminding me that he’s willing to wait and he’s giving me the space I asked for, but that I shouldn’t confuse that with him not caring.”
Ro clicks her tongue. “That’s sweet.”
“Yeah…”
“So, what are you thinking?”
I shrug my shoulders, using the pad of my thumb to twist my gold ring around my finger. I don’t even realise I’m doing it, until Rosie stops me with a gentle tap of her hand.
“Stop. Don’t think about that now,” she says. “Just focus on you. What doyouwant to do? Don’t think about anybody else, or what you feel like youshoulddo, just go with what your heart is telling you, Gee. Because as much as I love you, and you know I do, you and I both know it’s unfair to keep the boy in the dark for much longer.”
“I know, I know.” I swallow thickly, wishing I had a glass of water, but my legs are like jelly and the kitchen tap seems too far away. I’m not upset by Ro’s words, they’re the truth after all, and the truth isn’t always nice or pleasant to hear. “I don’t want to keep him in the dark either.”
“Then, you’ve got to make your decision, Gee.”
I nod.
Ro pushes a strand of hair from my forehead. “Can I ask what’s holding you back?”
My voice is quiet and unlike me when I find my words. “I’m scared.”
“Of what, Gee?”
I don’t answer. I can’t; the words sit on my tongue, but they won’t pass my lips. Not yet, anyway.
“Do you love him?”
I shrug wordlessly
“Are youfallingin love with him?”
“I think I was,” I croak, a heavy kind of tired beginning to settle deep in my bones. The emotionally drained kind you feel after spilling your guts, leaving your heart and soul bare.
Rosie doesn’t utter another word, instead continuing to stroke my hair until I drift off somewhere between her arms and the plush feel of the sofa cushions.
My best friend’s words rattle around my brain on a seemingly continuous loop as another two days pass me by.
On Friday morning, I go to unlock the door to my meditation studio, my gym bag slung over my shoulder, juggling my keys, anoverpriced caramel latte I treated myself to, and a bowl of watery looking cubes of melon, only to stop dead in my tracks.
