“For—Will you please look at me.”
The pleading tone in Hudson’s voice catches me off guard, causing a painful pang to ripple through my heart.
“Giselle. Please.”
Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I inhale shakily, mustering up the courage to turn around and face him.
He’s so fucking beautiful it physically hurts.
Dressed in his usual gym attire – a tight fitting black t-shirt and a pair of running shorts – Hudson looks like he does most days. At first glance, I don’t think I’d have noticed anything was off about him, but I’ve been studying that face of his for the past two months, ever since we met. The dark circles under his eyes are new, as are the tight lines around his mouth, and the way his hair is standing up all over the place as if he’s been running his hands through it anxiously.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you.” Straight to the point as always.
I push away the urge to look away and instead hold Hudson’s gaze, knowing he can probably see the hurt in my eyes. The very same hurthecaused.
Not that I think he’s fairing too well either; the usual playful sparkle in his eyes is missing, as is the trademark smirk he wears so well.
“Why didn’t you, then?” The very question that has been plaguing me for days now, spills from my lips much easier than I imagined it would.
“I got scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“Scared of how much I like you. Scared of what that means. Scared of—”
“And you couldn’t just tell me that?” I explode, feeling like a bottle of pop that’s been shaken until the contents of my insides are fizzing out angrily.He’sscared? “You couldn’t just show up and let me know how you truly felt, even though that’s all you’ve been pushingmeto admit.” I lie my palms against my heart inanguish. “What happens if I feel the same way? What happens if I’m just as scared about how muchIlikeyou. Or at least how much I thought I liked you, before you ran away after I’d let you in, after I gave you part of me. You knew I had something important to tell you and instead of showing up, supporting me, you made a selfish move and left me hanging. For days. Days, Hudson.”
“I know,” he whispers. The look on his face is gutting, wrenching my empathetic heart apart, but this isn’t about him. He’s the one who hurt me. He’s the one who left me. He’s the one who fucked this thing up between us before it had really even started.
“You hurt me, Hudson. This”—I gesture between us—“this fucking hurts.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I’m so fucking sorry, Giselle. I was stupid and—”
“Don’t say you’re stupid,” I retort, hating that he thinks that way about himself. Just because I’m not his biggest fan right now, doesn’t mean I want him to say mean things about himself. “And I don’t want you to say sorry for being scared, that’s not the problem. The problem is the not communicating with me about the way you feel. The problem is you just walked away without telling me, leaving me hanging, feeling abandoned, unsure where we stood…”
Hudson’s palms rub up and down his cheeks, processing my words.
“I-I—Please tell me how I can make this up to you, Gee. I can’t sleep, I can barely eat, I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s fucking eating me up inside, which is laughable, because I’m the one who caused the pain you’re feeling.” He laughs non-humourlessly. “I’m sorry for walking away, for leaving you hanging, making you feel abandoned—I’m sorry for all of it. Please, please just tell me how I can fix this—”
“I don’t know if you can.”
If it’s at all possible, Hudson’s face falls even further, his eyes screwing shut, lips forming a thin line.
I peer down at the floor, unable to take another second of looking at Hudson’s face, biting down on my own bottom lip and tasting the copper tang of blood.
He takes a step towards me, feet shuffling along the floor, until he can grip my hip with his left hand and uses his right to tilt my chin upwards; making me look into his eyes. I want to shrug off his touch, but I don’t possess the willpower. If this is the last time he’s going to touch me… I may as well bask in his heat, in the feel of his fingers on my sensitive flesh one final time. “Please. Please don’t say that.”
“I needed you to show up for me, Hudson…” I sigh.
Sliding his fingers from along my jawline, he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “I know you did, Gee. I’m sorry I didn’t show up for you, I’m sorry for all of it. Can we please start again… without me being an idiot this time.”
The old, people pleaser version of me would have said yes in a heartbeat.
But I’m not that person anymore.
“H-how do I know you won’t be scared and run off again when the going gets tough? That these aren’t just pretty words you’re saying to get me back into your bed.”
The creases bracketing Hudson’s mouth deepen. “Is that really what you think of me?”
