It’s not that I’m ashamed of my pleasure or making myself come. It’s not that at all. My pleasure is my pleasure, my body is my body and I’ll do with it what I please, with who I please, as many times as I please.
The celibacy isn’t an issue either.
I made that choice because it felt right for me, for my body, for my soul. That doesn’t mean I don’t know how to get myself off, or I don’t enjoy it, or I don’t feel horny.
My emotions are all jumbled because ofwhoI’d pictured in the moment with me.
That’s the issue.
Because I know a playboy when I see one and as much as I find him attractive, I can’t allow myself to even entertain the idea of getting attached to someone like Hudson Millen.
I gave my virginity away to a playboy once.
I can’t afford to give myself away to a playboy, again…
No matter how attractive I find him.
Chapter 6
Giselle
Over the weekend, I manage to convince myself it’s fine.
Hudson never has to know that I find him attractive, nor that I snooped through his social medias until late into the night or that… I, well, I made myself orgasm by coming up with make belief fantasies of him behind me, one of his hands on my neck, his hands on my breasts, his hands toying with my clit.
And what an orgasm it was.
But he never has to know.
I’m not even sure God himself will be able to pry my secrets from me and that’s the way I’m determined to keep it.
In any case, I come up with the idea of simply avoiding Hudson.
What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him and not catching any glimpses of him will mean it will be impossible to further feed into my fantasy.
Because that’s all it’s going to stay – a fantasy.
However, by Monday afternoon, I’m realising that I thoroughly underestimated my whole ability to avoid Hudson Millen.
He appears to be fucking everywhere that I am.
And I can’t stop my traitorous self from noticing that fact.
“I can’t blame them,” Rosie says to me while she wipes a dumbbell down with a bottle of antibacterial spray and a microfibre cloth. “I’d take a ride too if he asked me… but the whole congregating round isn’t as inconspicuous as they think.”
Trying to appear as nonchalantly as possible, I peer over my shoulder at the group of mainly women, and even a couple of men, who Rosie is referring too. Each of them wearing the tightest fitting sports bra they own, some are hardly wearing anything at all, and all of them are hanging about in this section of the gym in an attempt to catch the attention of a certain dark haired personal trainer.
To be fair to him, Hudson is completely focused on his client, keeping an eye on the rotation of their joints as he asks them to squat lower. But he’d be a fool if he hasn’t noticed the lingering stares and or can’t feel them piercing his back.
Maybe even a few of them have approached him.
Who am I kidding, of course people will have approached him!
I mean, just look at the man!
And I don’t think it’s to ask if he has any available slots left in his personal training programme.
Unless the personal training programme comes with his phone number, a date and a few hours romp in the sheets.
