I grumble but ease out of him and let him pull me off the bed to the en-suite. We spend longer than we need to in the shower, mostly because we hold and kiss each other under the cool stream of water. I erase most of Regan’s telephone number. Enough that it’s impossible to tell what the number is, at any rate. The rest will have to wait until the next time I shower.
Once we’re done, we spread towels on the bed and lie on them in each other’s arms. We kiss, doze, and cuddle. Each time I open my eyes, the shadows fall in a different place in the room, and the quality of light is different. It doesn’t matter how happy I am here with Jacob; my stomach still churns. Why is it taking so long for Mum—or Barry—to call? Sure, we can stay here tonight, but what about after that? What if being with me has destroyed Jacob’s relationship with his dad?
“You’re tense. What’s wrong?” Jacob kneads my shoulder.
“I’m sorry your dad reacted the way he did.”
Jacob sighs. “I expected it. You’re right.”
“About—?”
“He is a bully. I’ve spent my whole life trying to live up to his expectations. Trying to earn his respect. Trying not to be a disappointment. Caving every time he wheeled out his classic phrase ‘It would mean a lot to me if…’ He wanted me to be the perfect son. But no one’s perfect. Perfection is too much to ask of anyone. And the crazy thing is, for so long, I thoughthewas perfect. But it was all an act. He’s just as flawed as everyone else. Maybe even more so.”
“Jacob.” I squeeze him.
My heart hurts for him. Mum might have been a fairly hands-off parent, and she’s a force of nature who likes to get her own way and has no boundaries, but she never tried to control me. She never makes me feel shit and worthless. No one should do that to anyone, least of all their child.
“It’s okay,” Jacob says.
“Is it?”
“Yes. I’ve let him dictate my life for far too long. I’m done with that now. I’m going to live my life for me. I’m going to do things that make me happy. I’m going to love the man who makes me happy.” He hugs me tight. “It would be great if Dad could accept us, but if he can’t, so be it. He can think what he likes, but I know the truth. I love you. Not one moment of our time together has been because I wanted to get back at him for cheating on Mum.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
I push up onto my elbow and cup his jaw. “Yes.” I flop down. “Can I make an observation about your dad?Anotherobservation about your Dad.”
“Go ahead.”
“I don’t get what our mums see in him.”
Jacob laughs, rolls me onto my back, and kisses me. “You know what? Nor do I.” He rests his forehead against mine. “Is it weird that I feel free?”
“Free?”
“Deciding I don’t care what Dad thinks about me anymore has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. It’s like his expectations have shackled me all these years, and I’m finally free.”
“And what do you want to do with your newfound freedom?”
“Love you.” He kisses me with such tenderness my heart swells.
“You’re going to make me all emotional again.”
“In a good way?”
“The best.”
Beep.
“Is that your phone?” Jacob tenses.
My heartbeat quickens. “I think so.”
I peck his lips, pull away from him, and root through our scattered clothes to find my phone. Jacob scrambles upright with the covers pulled around his waist. I sit cross-legged beside him.
“It’s a message from Mum.”
