I reach across the table and squeeze her hand. “I know. But you don’t need to. I’m always careful.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too. Can we move along now?”
“Of course.”
We spend the rest of the meal discussing the cat that keeps coming around, pretending it’s homeless and starving when it lives two doors down. Dad and I give Mum more ideas for things she could do if she decides to retire. The conversation stays far away from my sexual exploits. Thank fuck. After dinner, I get roped into helping with some odd jobs, including putting things into their loft.
I leave around three and drive home.
Haru
How was dinner?
How did you know I was done?
Lucky timing?
Dinner was fine. My parents decided my sex life was a good topic of conversation. I disagreed.
That sounds awkward.
Very.
Should I ask him to come over? No. It would be far too needy. We only said goodbye a few hours ago. Still, it’s nice to hear from him. I get my laptop, sit on the sofa, and start researching BDSM. Haru’s explanation was great, but I want to know more. I want to keep praising him, but I’m also curious about the other things he said he enjoyed. Being tied up and gagged. I want to understand what it means to be submissive or dominant. I want to know why I had such a visceral reaction to Haru calling me Sir.
I fall down a rabbit hole, hopping from one site to another, reading forums and then I find some bondage porn. I watch porn and jack off to it regularly, but I’ve only watched two—or more—guys having what I guess you’d call vanilla sex. Sucking each other off. Rimming each other. Fucking in various positions. Sure, some of the porn I watch has a bit of light spanking, but I never equated that with BDSM. But these videos—holy fuck. Why is it so sexy to watch a man pound the arse of a guy who is tied up? In the first video, it’s wrists only. The next I find, the bottom is also gagged. In the next, the bottom is spreadeagled and gagged, and Jesus Christ, my dick is rock hard and throbbing. What does it say about me that I find it hot?
I put my laptop on the coffee table and fetch some lube from my bedroom. I undo my jeans and pull my cock free of my underpants. I flick my stare between the bottle of lube and the laptop screen. In the current video, one man is handcuffed to the bed with an apple in his mouth. A fucking apple. The top keeps taking bites out of it as he fucks the bottom. Who comes up with ideas like this?
I’m watching porn.
I double-check I’ve got the right chat before I hit Send.
Haru
Is that something we’re sharing now?
Bondage porn.
Oh?
It’s hot. I wasn’t sure it would be, but it is.
The video ends, and the next one starts. It’s tamer. Instead of being handcuffed or bound with silk, the top holds the sub’s wrists down. I imagine myself doing that to Haru. Holding his hands above his head, pressing his wrists into the mattress while I fuck his pretty arse. I’m praising him, and he’s not even here to hear it.
Where are you?
In the sitting room with my parents, watching a black-and-white movie. I don’t even know what it’s called.
Could you excuse yourself?
I hesitate before sending my message, delete it, and rewrite it.
Be a good boy and excuse yourself.
Was that better? From what I’ve read, it’s what a Dom should say. Not that I’m a Dom. Do I want to be?
