I stare at the ceiling. My heart seems to have taken up residence in my throat. I want to be with Auggie, but the fears I’ve voiced to Casey remain. What if I don’t like it? What if it hurts? Those fears won’t go away until I’ve had sex for the first time, so they’re not a reason to hesitate. If I hesitate, I won’t have a chance to be with Auggie until after Christmas. Waiting wouldn’t be a bad thing, but I don’t want to. I’m ready. I want to be with him.
Casey is staring at me with so much love in his eyes that it makes my heart slip back into my chest where it’s supposed to be.
He leans down and kisses me softly. “Have fun.”
I swallow. “Thank you.” I sit so he can get out of bed, and watch him walk to the door.
Auggie opens it as Casey reaches it.
Casey smiles, kisses him, and squeezes his hand. “Night. I’ll be in the spare room.”
“Which one?” Auggie asks.
“The small bedroom.”
The one that isn’t right next door. That’s fair.
“Was it something I said?” Auggie asks once Casey has gone. “Do I smell?” He lifts his arm and sniffs his armpit.
I laugh. “Haven’t you just had a shower?”
“Yes, but maybe I picked up the shower gel that smells of sewage rather than lavender by accident?”
I laugh harder. “I’m sure you smell wonderful.” I pat the bed. When Auggie joins me, I put my hand over his and stare into his eyes. “I want to make love. I want you to make love to me.”
His eyes widen. “You want to bottom?”
“Yes.”
“And that’s why Casey has made himself scarce?”
“Yes.”
He kisses me. “I’d love to top you, Emory.”
It’s probably obvious that I’ve talked things through with Casey. Even if it’s not, he must trust me to know my own mind, which I’m grateful for.
“Let’s get naked,” he says.
It doesn’t take me long to wriggle out of my underwear, and then we lie under the quilt, holding each other and kissing. It’s impossible not to relax in Auggie’s arms. Like Casey, he makes me feel safe and wanted. He’ll take care of me, go at my pace, and make my first time as special as possible. I kiss him with all the passion in my soul and until my chin is sore from his beard, and my lips are bruised and kiss swollen. I’m so relaxed my muscles might as well be liquid.
He rolls us so I’m on my back, leans over me, and slips his hand beneath the cover to stroke my cock. I’m already hard from our naked make-out session, but his touch is so very lovely. Firm but gentle. I moan into his mouth and then whimper when he releases my cock and reaches across me to pull something out of his drawer. I glance in that direction. Lube. A condom. My heart thrums.
“D-do we need that?”
He arches an eyebrow and points at the lube. “We need that.”
“Not that.” I point at the condom.
“No. Not if you don’t want me to wear it.”
“I don’t. I want to feel you.”
He shivers. “Fuck, Emory, you’re going to drive me insane long before I get inside you.”
I bite my lip. I didn’t realise what I’d said was sexy, but it must have been.
His lips press against mine as he frots against me. “I’ve never gone bare, but I’ve always wanted to. I’m glad my first time will be with you. Are you keeping these on?” He waggles my glasses.
