“Lots of reasons.” I swing our hands from side to side in opposite directions so they bump each time they meet in the middle. “Us is one of them. It’s silly because there wasn’t really an ‘us’ until two days ago, but I still didn’t want to spend six weeks away from you, which was stupid because our casual arrangement could have ended any second. But now there is an ‘us’, and six weeks feels like forever and nothing at all at the same time.” I stop swinging our hands and tilt my head. “Does any of that make sense?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Good. Because I’m not done yet, and I warn you. My thought process can be a bit of a wild ride sometimes.”
He squeezes my hands and chuckles. “I like wild rides.”
“Then hold on to your hat.”
He smiles, which is nice, especially when the air between us is tense. I’m unsure why there is any tension, but it’s rolling off Jett in waves.
“When I started my MSc, I was excited about going abroad. I figured it would be an amazing opportunity, and it still would be. Don’t get me wrong. But I don’t want to work abroad. Stop me if I’ve said this before.” I shake my head. “You know what? Never mind. Don’t stop me. I have said it before, but I need to say it again. I don’t want to work abroad. I’m a total homebody. Aside from three years spent in Lancaster doing my undergraduate degree, I’ve lived in Leeds my whole life. My roots are here. My family are here. You’re here. So if this is where I’m going to be based, then what’s even the point of going elsewhere to do my research project?” I glance up at the darkening sky. “Experience, I guess. Exploring and understanding other ecological niches. And then I have to consider whether or not I’ll ever get an opportunity like this again. And of course there’s no answer to that because I don’t have a crystal ball, although I’d love one right now. Still following me?”
“Yes.”
I tighten my grip on his hands. “I don’t know how six weeks apart would affect our relationship.”
“We might not even still be together by the time you go,” Jett says quietly.
“Oh, we will. I don’t need a crystal ball to know that.”
He widens his eyes. “Why are you so sure? We got together less than forty-eight hours ago.”
“No. We made our relationship official forty-three hours ago. Have you seen anyone else since I sucked your cock in Scotland?”
A deep red blush floods down from Jett’s hairline, vanishing beneath the collar of his shirt. “No.”
“Have you wanted to?”
“No.”
I stare into his eyes. “Nor have I. Jett, I-I—” I scuff the sole of my foot over the pavement. Standing in the middle of Leeds is probably not the right time to confess what’s in my heart. “That was a really long-winded way of saying I haven’t decided where I want to do my research project yet, but I do need to know how you feel about it because my decision doesn’t just affect me. It affects you too. It affects us.”
Jett’s expression becomes desperate. “I don’t want you to feel pressured into staying.”
“I don’t. Do me a favour?”
“Anything.”
“Next time, tell me how you’re feeling instead of bottling it all up. I might find your grumpy face hot, but your smile is a thousand times sexier. Plus, I know from experience that not talking leads to an argument that could have been avoided.”
“I’ll try.”
I give him a stern look. “Don’t make me misquoteStar Warsat you. I’d have to put on my Yoda voice and everything.”
He laughs. “All right, I will.”
“Better.” I let go of one of his hands, and we carry on walking side by side. I lean my head on his shoulder. “Is this okay? Not too couply?”
“Yes.” He swears under his breath. “I meant, yes, it’s okay. No, it’s not too couply. When do you have to have to get your proposal in?”
“I have the chat with my tutor tomorrow, but Friday is my hard deadline.” I wince. “And that’s with an extension. I swear I’m not normally this badly organised. I never leave assignments to the last minute. It’s just a huge decision. How can six weeks be both forever and no time at all?”
Jett shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“Take the last four weeks. They’ve flown by. And I bet the next four will and the four after that. But six weeks without you? I think it’s going to feel like a life sentence.” I sigh. “Mum would say I’m being melodramatic. I think she’s right.”
Jett lets go of my hand and loops his arm around my shoulders instead. “Then we can be melodramatic together.”
