"I am. Are you sure you don't want me to stay? Maybe just for a bit longer." I stop short of telling her that I'm worried about her and, by extension, the baby. I'm sure all first-time parents have as much doubt as we're feeling, but that doesn't stop me from being concerned.
Niamh shakes her head. "I'll be fine. The baby will be fine. We'll see you tomorrow." She gestures to the door. "Thanks for everything you've done so far."
There’s nothing else I can say or do. I’ve offered help. Niamh knows she can call me.
I nod to tell her I’ve acknowledged her words. “See you tomorrow."
My stomach churns all the way back to Rory's house. It's late, but not late enough for Rory to be home. I hear voices from the kitchen, so I head inside, seeking company. Theo and Preston are eating ice cream out of one bowl. As usual, Theo is wearing his puppy ears. They look so sweet together, laughing, joking, and entirely at ease in each other's company. It's strange, but I envy what they have. I don't think Niamh and I were ever that relaxed together.
"Hi!" Theo abandons his spoon, gets up, and comes and hugs me.
It takes me by surprise, so I'm unsure what to do.
Preston laughs. "You'll get used to that. Theo loves giving hugs."
"I love receiving them too,” Theo says. "Hugs are the best."
"They are." I return his hug, even though I feel awkward doing it. Other than when Rory hugged me last night, I haven't embraced another man since I became an adult. No, that's not true. I haven't hugged another boy since I was torn away from Wexford.
"Congratulations," Theo says. "Do you have a photo of the baby?" He returns to his seat and picks up his spoon. "Ice cream?”
"No thanks."
I can’t help but notice that they’re eating chocolate ice cream. Not vanilla. Thanks to Hendrix, I’m not sure I’m ever going to be able to think about ice cream the same way again. I blink to bring myself back to the moment. Theo wanted to see a picture of the baby. I show them one on my phone.
"Aww! He's so cute,” Theo says.
"He is," Preston agrees.
I sit opposite them. "You're a nurse?" I ask Theo.
"I am."
"I'm worried about Niamh. My ex,” I add in case Theo and Preston haven’t been filled in on everything.
“Why are you worried?”
"She seems overwhelmed. She doesn't seem happy about being a mam.” I rub the back of my neck. "It's probably exhaustion. Neither of us has slept much, and the baby isn't even twenty-four hours old yet. I guess all new mams are a bit overwhelmed."
"Probably," Theo says cautiously." But if you think something is wrong, I wouldn't ignore it. She'll have a community midwife visiting her. Encourage her to talk to them about how she’s feeling. As you said, it could just be that she's a bit overwhelmed about being a new mum. It could also be the baby blues. Most new mums get them within the first few days of having a baby. But it could be something more, so you shouldn't ignore your concerns." He tilts his head and stares at me. "How are you coping?"
"I'm fine. Tired. Hopelessly in love with the baby." I shake my head. "She won't even talk to me about his name. I suggested we choose one together, but she doesn't seem interested."
Theo nods. "You can talk to the midwife yourself. The way you're feeling is just as important. Maybe try and get a quiet word with her."
"I'm not sure Niamh would be happy if I talked to the midwife behind her back."
"If it's something more serious than the baby blues, she'll need help."
"What sort of help?"
"Counselling. Maybe some antidepressants for a short while. I'm not saying it is that. I haven't met Niamh, and I'm not a mental health or maternity nurse. At the end of the day, you know her better than anyone. Go with your gut. And get some sleep. If you’re exhausted, you won’t do anyone any good, least of all the baby or Niamh.”
"Sleep," I repeat. "Aye, I should do that." I check my watch and then fidget with it. "Do you know when Rory gets home?"
"Not before midnight," Preston says.
"He tends to be one of the earlier risers, though," Theo chips in.
