Callan sniffs and starts to gather up his things.
“Why do you have all that stuff with you?” I ask.
“Just in case.”
“Seriously?”
Callan blushes. “Yeah. I like being prepared. It’s a control thing.” He turns the tool he’s holding around in his hand. “Plus, you never know when you might need to fix something.” He tosses the tool into the air, catches it, and puts it in the bag. “Does that door lead outside?”
I nod.
“Do you mind if I go that way?”
“Of course not. I’ll let you out.”
Callan smiles. “Thanks. I’ll sort out an invoice for your boss.”
“Cal.”
He looks at me with raised eyebrows.
“Are you going to tell Niamh you’re staying?”
“Yes.”
11
CALLAN
The baby is screaming at the top of his lungs when Niamh lets me into the bedsit.
“He won’t eat. He won’t sleep. All he wants to do is cry.” Her voice is shaky. Her eyes are red-rimmed and puffy. Still hugging the baby to her chest, she turns on her heel and walks up the stairs.
I follow, feeling more than a little helpless.
“Do you want to go out for some fresh air? I can take him for a bit.”
Niamh glares at me. “Are you suggesting I can’t look after my baby?”
“No. But you must be exhausted, and you look like you need a break. I can take him for a walk while you sleep for a bit if you prefer.”
"I don't know what I want." She hands me the baby. "But some peace would be good. I'll go for a walk. Could you try feeding him? You know where the bottles are, don’t you?”
I nod. "It'll be okay. I'll help as much as I can. I think every new parent must feel a little bit overwhelmed."
"A little? Try a lot. I feel like the worst mam ever. I didn't want this. I'm not ready for this. I can't do this alone."
I rub her shoulder. “You're not alone. I'm here."
"Until Saturday. Then you'll be gone until God knows when."
"I'm staying, Niamh.” I pause to take in her wide-eyed expression.
I can’t tell if she’s happy or not. I’m pretty sure she’s holding her breath. Maybe this isn’t what she wants. I want to be a part of my baby’s life, and I want to support Niamh in any way I can, so I plough on anyway.
“At least, I'm trying to. The guys I'm staying with have said I can stay until I find my own place. I’ll call my boss in the morning and quit. I'll have to work out my notice period, but then I'll be back. I'll be able to help out as much as you need me to." I turn my gaze away from her to the precious bundle in my arms. He’s still mewling, but it’s not the full-scale scream of a few moments before. “Assuming you want me around.”
Niamh stares at me. Her jaw is slack, and her pupils have shrunk. I wish I knew what she was thinking. She’s not smiling. Does that mean she isn't happy that I'm trying to stay? I thought moving to London was the right thing to do for her, me, and the baby, but now I'm unsure.
