Admitting I missed Callan out loud and knowing he wasn’t angry about what I did all those years ago is freeing. And yet I’m not sure our brief conversation has done much to close the void of time and pain between us.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” I suggest. “Have a proper chat.”
Callan nods slowly. “Okay. But can’t we chat here?”
“The walls have ears.”
“Nosy housemates?”
“Some of them sometimes. We can stay here if you prefer?”
“No. A walk sounds good.”
We wander through quiet streets, hands tucked into our coat pockets, silent at first. There’s an ache in my chest as memories of wandering around Wexford as boys tumble into my mind. We’d walk for miles if the inclination took us. The only stipulation was that we had to be home by dark. There was never a thought that anything bad would happen. We were young, innocent, and carefree. I clench my fists. God, how I wish I could turn the clock back to those days.
“When did you move to London?” Callan asks. “It wasn’t when you were ten.”
I chuckle, but the moment of humour fades instantly. “After Dad died. Wexford had too many memories. I needed to get away to clear my head. I was only planning on staying for six months, but now I’m not sure I’ll leave.”
“You like it here?”
“Aye. London’s a lot bigger and busier than Wexford, but it has its charms.”
“Have you lived in that house since you moved here?”
I glance over my shoulder. The shared house is long out of sight. We’ve turned several corners since leaving. “No. I lived alone in a bedsit to start with. It was all I could afford. It was farther out of London, but even with the tube fare, it was cheaper than living closer to work.” My shoulders slump. “I was lonely, though. In Wexford, everyone knew my business. I couldn’t walk more than five feet down the road without running into someone I knew. There was always a friendly face. Someone to say hi to. In London, everyone’s a stranger and in too much of a rush to bother with a hello.”
“That must have been hard to get used to.”
I tilt my head. “Aye, but you must have had to get used to it too. Dublin isn’t exactly small.”
“It’s probably easier when you’re younger.” He grits his teeth. “And drunk. Besides, I didn’t want anyone to notice me, so being one of thousands suited me just fine. I didn’t want to stand out.”
My stomach lurches into my throat.
“You and your housemates are a very mixed bunch,” he says in a lighter tone.
“We are, but I’m not sure I’d want it any other way.”
“How did you end up living with them? Did you have to do an interview or something?”
“No. I applied via the My Kinky Housemate app. I liked the look of the house. It was much closer to work, and the rent was decent for the area.”
“Was it hard moving in after everyone else?”
“I didn’t. We all moved in at the same time. Except for Quinn.”
“At the same time?”
“Aye. I don’t know the details exactly. I figured the landlord had just bought the house and wanted to fill it. Why with kinky people, I’ll never know. But we all moved in on the same day.”
“That must have made it easier.”
“Well, no one knew each other except for Beau and Stefan. They’re twins. And Preston and Oscar had met once before at a kink club. Oscar’s the one who moved out.”
“I know.” Callan smiles sheepishly. “Hendrix mentioned him.”
“Of course he did.” I hunch my shoulders. “I’m not sure I fit in, though.”
