“We’re first-timers,” Fitz says. “And kind of clueless.”
“Then you’ve come to the right place,” Deacon says with a broad smile. “I take it you’re interested in trying anal?”
“Yeah, but we don’t know where to start.”
“With plenty of lube,” Deacon says. “I like this brand.” He hands us a bottle. “It’s water-based.”
“Do we need to do anything to prepare?” Fitz asks.
“I’d suggest using some slim toys to start with.”
“Toys?” I manage to ask.
“You could try a training set,” Deacon says, picking a rectangular box off the shelf. “This one has three anal plugs in it. You use the shortest and slimmest first, and when you’re comfortable inserting that, you move up to the next. This is the smallest one,” he says, taking one that’s on display off the shelf. He hands it to Fitz. “And the biggest.” He gives that one to me.
I’m not sure how big either of them is exactly. I’d guess the one I’m holding is about four inches long, which is a lot less scary-sounding than ten inches. It’s got a soft texture. I’d guess it’s made out of rubber, and while it’s firm, there’s give in the material. It’s narrower at the tip, gradually getting wider, and has a wide base. There’s no way it’s getting lost or stuck inside anyone.
“If you both want to play, I’d get a set each,” Deacon says. “And make sure you keep them clean. You don’t want to insert anything dirty into your anus.”
The relaxed, matter-of-fact way he’s talking makes me more comfortable.
“What about poop?” Fitz whispers.
“Unless your poop is particularly loose, there probably won’t be any in your anus, but lots of people like to douche before anal sex.” He picks up one of the bulbs attached to a tube. “You use it to wash your anus out with water. If you’re going to do it, do it about an hour before sex.” He gives us a kind look. “The main thing is to relax. You don’t want to be worried or afraid of going into any kind of anal play, or your fight or flight response will kick in, and it won’t be pleasurable at all. So take your time, have fun, work up to full anal sex, and hopefully, you’ll enjoy it.”
“Hopefully?” Fitz asks.
Deacon shrugs. “Not everyone does.”
“Will it hurt?”
“Only if you don’t prepare properly, or if you’re tense. My advice? Don’t even think about going from the smallest trainer plug all the way up to anal sex in one session. Play over several days. If it hurts, stop, and try again another time. You might not have been in the right headspace or might not have used enough lube. You want your first time together to be a positive experience. Shall I leave you to keep looking, or do you have any other questions?”
“I probably have a ton,” Fitz admits. “But my head is also about to explode with all the information and advice you’ve just given us.”
“Sorry if I overloaded you.”
“No, you’ve been great.”
I nod in agreement. I pick up a second box of anal plugs and an additional douche in case we do decide to use them.
“How do we clean them?” Fitz asks.
“If you’re not sharing, then soap and hot water will do the trick,” Deacon replies. “You can disinfect them by submerging them in boiling water for three minutes if you like. Do you want me to ring those up for you?”
“Please,” I say.
We follow him to the till. He scans each item and then puts them all into a white paper bag with no branding whatsoever. Within five minutes, we’re outside and heading back to my van.
“That was an experience,” Fitz says.
“A good one?”
He side-eyes me. “Yeah, actually. I thought he might be judgey ’cause we’re a pair of thirty-year-old anal virgins, but he wasn’t at all.”
We get into the van.
“You know we don’t have to use this stuff right away?” I ask.
