“Yes, but things are different now.”
“They don’t need to be very different. Things can be exactly as they were but maybe with some kissing and falling asleep in the same bed together.”
“That would be more comfortable than sleeping on a sofa.”
He chuckles. “Would spending the night in the same bed be okay?”
“I’ve known you for years, Addy. You’re my best friend in the whole world. I’ve loved you for well, for forever.”
“We still don’t have to rush into anything, Fitz. Let’s just do what feels right for both of us, okay?”
I nod, but my head is still whirling with confusing and frightening thoughts. “I don’t want to lose you, Addy.”
“You won’t.” He squeezes me tight. “That willneverhappen.”
I want to believe him, really I do, but it’s like we’re standing on the edge of a precipice. One wrong move could send one or both of us tumbling off the edge, and then our friendship would be ruined forever. But we can’t go back to safety either; I know that. We could pretend for a few days, but IknowI’m going to want to feel his lips on mine again. The question is, am I going to be too afraid to ask for more than that?
“Let’s focus on one step at a time,” Addy suggests.
I take a breath. “Okay. What’s step one?”
“The shop’s open tomorrow, so you should get some sleep.” He brushes his knuckles over my cheek. “We both should.”
“Together?” I ask.
“If you’d like to.”
“We slept together last night.” I squeeze my eyes shut and curse under my breath. “We sleptnextto each other last night.”
“We can do that again tonight if you want.”
“Do you want to?”
He stares into my eyes. “Yes,” he whispers. “I do.”
“Okay.”
He takes my hand and helps me stand before leading me into the bathroom. I’m not used to washing and brushing my teeth with him there, but I do it anyway. Then I strip down to my underwear and put my clothes in the washing basket. He does the same. It’s not the first time we’ve seen each other in nothing but underwear. You can’t live with someone for as long as we have andnotsee them in at least a partial state of undress, but I don’t think I’ve really looked at him before. He’s broad and strong with squishy softness around his middle. Probably because I keep bringing cakes home for him to eat. His chest is covered in a blanket of slightly curly hair as dark as the hair on his head. His hairy arms and legs are like tree trunks. It’s no wonder I always feel so safe when he hugs me.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Yup. Are you?”
“I think so.” There’s a slight tremor in his voice again, which tells me he’s scared too.
It’s comforting that neither of us is alone right now. This is new and weird and scary for us both. He takes my hand again, and I follow him out of the bathroom. He pauses and stares from one bedroom door to the other.
“We could do eeny, meeny, miny, moe?” I suggest.
He smiles.
“Does it matter which room we end up in?” I ask. “We bought the same bed.”
Addy scratches his beard. “Let’s sleep in your room.”
He leads me to it, and we get into bed. He pulls me to him, so I’m spooning against him like we’ve done dozens of times before. Only it’s different. We’re wearing fewer clothes for a start, and I’m hyper-aware of how his body feels against mine—warm and furry all over. His body hair tickles me in a nice way.
“How’s this?” he asks.
