“Dude,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Does it even matter? I’m not actually going to meet anyone from the app. That’s not really my thing.”
Cuffd was a hookup app—excuse me, adatingapp—geared toward the BDSM crowd. I wasn’t opposed to getting smacked on the ass during sex now and then, or playing around with a little dress up if it would help the other guy get off, but anything hardcore or involving actual pain was definitely not my thing, so it wasn’t an app I’d already been set up on. Apparently, though, Cuffd was running some kind of Christmas gimmick—hooking people up through a “letter to Santa”—and today’s challenge was for me to write and post one. In other words, a chance for my viewers to try and turn me into one half of a couple they could “aww” over, kink edition.
It was never going to happen, but I wouldn’t come right out andsaythat, of course. No point bursting their bubble when they loved to speculate and follow along. But my plan? Put on a good show about throwing up some bullshit letter that would be racy enough to get a bunch of likes but still tame enough not to ruffle the feathers of all the self-proclaimed internet police out there who’d report it to YouTube for content violations, then proceed to ignore all notifications from the Cuffd app and move on with my life.
True, hookup apps were my main source of cock these days, but not one like Cuffd. The last thing I needed was some scary leather daddy making me lick his boot or handcuffing me to a bed and going all fifty shades on me, when all I was looking for was a good no-strings dicking to take the edge off.
When I’d told Nichol about today’s challenge, needing some help but also figuring we’d both get a good laugh, she’d been disturbingly enthusiastic for some reason. She seemed to think I might actually find some kind of earth-shattering, just-what-I’d-always-been-missing sex through an app like that, but oh hell no. I’d shut that shit down fast… even if I had let her talk me into filling out the profile with legit answers instead of loading it down with bullshit like I’d originally planned. That was just to humor her, though. Besides, on a kinky app like that one? I’m sure my actual profile answers—which had been way too fucking honest to ever share with Dev since I’d actually set it up during a late night alcohol-fueled skype call with Nichol, me oversharing like I always did with her and only her, and her doing all the typing—wouldn’t interest the kind of guy who actually used something like Cuffd.
“Ready?” Dev asked as soon as he had Cuffd’s homepage up on the monitor I had hooked up to the screenshare software. “What username did you use?”
“Dude, what do you think? Same as my channel. Like I told you, consistency is brandinggold.”
“Okay,” he said, making me roll my eyes because nope, he didn’t get it. “Just… A… Pretty… Face,” he said out loud as he typed in each word of my user name.
My profile came up, pics courtesy of some of the better thumbnails from my channel. Not exactly what I’d have used if I’d actually been looking to hook up on the app, but then again, I wasn’t. Gotta give anyone who viewed it the chance to make the connection with my channel, though. Like, subscribe, and bump me up in the algos. Branding. Branding. Branding. It never ended, and either Dev would eventually get it, or else this new YouTube channel of his that he was trying to build up would end up just another one of the millions that got lost in the shuffle… and not to be a bitch, but I knew which outcome I’d putmymoney on.
“Aw, that’s cute.” He pointed to the little Santa head bobbing in the upper corner of my Cuffd profile screen. “This it?”
“Yep,” I said, since I’d already poked around the site with Nichol the other night to be sure I knew my way around.
He clicked on Santa, then read out loud: “Wishing for a Dominant of your own this Christmas?
Send a letter to Santa with a wishlist describing your perfect match, and we’ll share it with our Santa Doms and Dommes here at Cuffd. If one of them fits your list, they’ll message you back with a simple question: Have you been naughty or nice this year?”
Dev and I had already talked about how to script the video. After my standard intro and the lead-in to today’s challenge, he’d read that on camera, and then we’d banter back and forth as I “came up with” my own letter and end with a tease that would hopefully generate a shit-ton of comments and interaction, since that was what the algorithms got the biggest boners for.
I'd be going with something along the lines of “Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is a hot Daddy to spank my ass until I cream.”
I wasn’t actually into older guys, but I had to go with some kind of kink due to the nature of the app, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to put something out there about getting tied up or whipped. Besides, all that Daddy shit was hot right now, so I figured it would play well… especially since it tied in perfectly with a frequent theme in the comments on my workout videos: my ass.
I smirked. Five hundred squats a day, every day, bitches. Whowouldn’twant to spank it?
Besides, a fuck up like me? If Ihadbeen planning on taking this Dear Santa letter seriously, which I was not, but just sayin’, if I’d actually been looking for something...
Well, that shit with Paolo earlier proved it, I guess. I was definitely on the naughty list, and a spanking was probably the least I deserved.
3
Andy
I staredat the Cuffd logo on my screen, my finger hovering over the button to submit my credit card information as I wondered if this was what it felt like to have an out of body experience. Me, signing up for a BDSM dating service? I was as vanilla as they came, so vanilla, in fact, that the only reason I even knew that term was because of the extensive, sometimes cringe-inducing, extremely eye-opening Google rabbit hole I’d fallen down after watching Jordan’s last video.
I’d probably racked up more hours on YouTube in the past week than I’d probably clocked during the entire rest of my life, but Jordan was… Jesus. He was everything I remembered from high school and a million times more. He was no longer my former high school crush, he was the first thing I woke up thinking about and the last thing I saw before I went to bed.
Ellen suddenly hopped up onto my desk, making me jump.
"Warn a guy," I told her… which she thoroughly ignored, nosing my hand and bumping my finger away from the submit button so she could push her head under my palm and demand to be petted instead.
“Okay,” I said, releasing a gusty laugh as I scratched her head. “So you think this whole thing is crazy? Is that what you’re trying to say?”
She purred, closing her eyes.
“Because the last thing I want to be is a creepy stalker,” I told her, worried that if I hit that button and actually tried to find Jordan's profile on the kinky dating app, that’s exactly what I would be.
After Lizzie had sent me Jordan’s link, I’d convinced myself that binge watching his videos was just a matter of spending some quality alone-time revisiting an old crush. I’d maybe (okay, definitely) get some new spank-bank material, but then I’d figured I’d get it out of my system and carry on with my regular life… a life that was definitely better for knowing I could watch Jordan online whenever I wanted to now, but not one where I got sucked into my sister’s crazy schemes or took it any further than that.
Certainly not, for example, signing up for a kinky dating site just because Jordan had posted a video about looking for a Daddy there.
