I braced myself for impact as Kate followed through with her promise and put the call on speaker.
“Have you been watching more of Jordan’s videos, Andy?” Lizzie asked excitedly.
“Did you send him a DM yet?” Kate asked before I could answer, talking right over her. “And did you see the new routine he posted to that Dua Lipa song? Me and Liz were doing the workout yesterday and it totally kicked our asses.”
“Language,” I murmured, smiling despite myself. I did miss them.
“That workout is going togiveus nice asses, though,” Lizzie said, clearly ignoring my language reminder. “You should see how good of shape we’re getting into, Andy!”’
“No, Andy should see how good of shapeJordanis in,” Kate said, way too suggestively in my opinion. “Oh my God, he’ssoooohot.”
I grimaced, not really sure how I felt about my little sister feeling that way about my boyfriend. My boy. The man I was regularly getting naked with now. “Girls, quit objectifying him,” I said firmly.
“Oh, whatever, Andy,” Kate said, probably accompanied by an eye roll. “We’re justadmiringhim. Like, hisform.”
“And his ass,” Lizzie added unrepentantly.
“Language,” I said, trying to push any and all thoughts of my sistersadmiringJordan out of my head forever.
“You know, hedidlook hot in that last video,” Lizzie said thoughtfully, going on as if I hadn’t spoken. “But he also had circles under his eyes.”
“The boy needs better concealer,” Kate said, tsking.
“Or some sleep.”
“Or a boyfriend,” Kate said in a sing-song voice that almost made me laugh. “Come on, Andy, are you going to ask him out or what? Did you call to get our advice on how to do it?”
“No,” I said, chucking my empty water bottle into the recycling bin and looking to Ellen for some sympathy. Her face was still buried in her food dish, though, so I got none.
“It might be too late, though,” Lizzie said, yanking my attention back to the conversation.
“What?” I asked sharply.
“Ohhhh, you might be right, Liz,” Kate said. “Andy, you should have listened to us when we first told you about him.”
“Yeah,” Lizzie agreed. “Because, like, right after that? He posted this thing, a naughty Santa letter, and he came right out and said he was looking for a boyfriend.”
“No, he was looking for aDaddy,” Kate added. “That’s not the same thing.”
“Itcouldbe,” Lizzie said stubbornly.
“But it doesn’t have to be. He just said he wanted someone to spank him. Which, like, he probably already got, because thatass.”
“Girls,” I snapped, pinching the bridge of my nose and remembering that there really was a good reason to keep our conversations confined to the message thread. “We’re not going to discuss... that.”
“What, his ass?” Kate asked.
“Spanking?” Lizzie said.
Kate giggled. “Or did you mean dirty Santas?”
“KinkySantas.”
“No,NaughtySantas,” Kate said. “Because Jordan’s on the naughty list!”
“And everyone knows that naughty boys need—”
“Lizzard,” I said sharply, definitely not wanting to hear the rest of that sentence from her.Ever.
