“Bushnell,” I cut in. “But—”
“But nothing,” she interrupted. “You should track him down and ask him out!”
I laughed, but then I swallowed hard as the video I’d clicked started playing. Jordan had definitely kept himself in shape. He looked even hotter than he’d been back when he’d fueled all my teenage fantasies. Honestly, as good as he’d looked then, that shouldn’t have been possible, but… yeahhhhhh. He’d managed it.
I reached down and adjusted myself.
“Lizzard, I really need to go,” I said, staring at that perfectly round, muscular ass of his, the one that had used to mesmerize me during all his cheer routines.
It was even rounder now.
You could bounce a quarter off it.
Build altars to it.
Compose hymns about it.
It was… it was…Jesus.
“It will be just like Mom and William,” Lizzie said excitedly, which finally got me to stop staring at Jordan’s ass.
I paused the video and brought the phone back up to my ear. “What are you talking about?” I asked, since I definitely hadn’t followed that non sequitur. “Is Mom okay?”
“She’s great, dork,” Lizzie said. “Going a little crazy getting ready for Christmas, of course—”
I’d definitely inherited that trait, and already had my entire house decorated even though I’d be driving home after finals to spend the holiday with my family.
“—but I’m just saying, she knew William for all those years before they got together—” He’d been a business associate of our dad’s. “—and then when she ran into him again it was love at first sight and she finally got her happily ever after! That could be just like you and Jordan!”
I grinned, rolling my own eyes since she couldn’t see me and call me on it, and finally gave in to Ellen’s annoyed meowing and headed into the kitchen to fill her bowl.
“That wasn’t love at first sight, Lizzard. That’s not even a real thing.”
She made a rude sound. “So you’re saying the first time you saw Jordan, you weren’t totally gone for him? Because you definitely weren’t as subtle as you seemed to think.”
“That was different.” I said.
That had beenlustat first sight, and I was definitely a believer in that one.
Of course, back when I’d been fifteen, naive-and-hopeful me, the me who hadn’t been burned yet by the realities of trying to date guys who were always looking for someone a little more focused on fun and a little less excited by stability and structure than I was, might have called the lust I’d felt for Jordan by another name, but that hadn’t beenreal. It couldn’t have been, because I hadn’t actually known him. And sure, I’d convinced myself that I did at the time, but constantly watching him—okay, possibly stalking him—throughout my entire freshman year didn’t count.
Still, while I hadn’t actually known him, there was no doubt that I’d known a lotabouthim. Like the fact that he’d always tugged his left earlobe when he was nervous, even though he never let it show on his face; and the slightly superstitious way he’d always double-tapped the gym door right underneath our school mascot whenever he walked in with the cheer squad for a pep rally; and the way he avoided all dairy products.
Lactose intolerance?
Personal preference?
A weight management thing?
I’d never figured that part out, but what I had figured out was that even though he was always surrounded by people, he only seemed genuinely comfortable with his co-captain on the cheer-squad and best friend, Nichol Fetterline; he sucked at academics but somehow always skated by on charm; no one came to his graduation ceremony with him; and despite being popular and gorgeous and out and proud, sometimes I'd had the impression that he was just the tiniest bit insecure, too.
Unless, of course, I’d just been fooling myself. Convinced that there was a vulnerability under that picture-perfect surface that onlyIcould see... and that, of course, onlyIwould be the perfect answer for. The one he could open up to. The one he could count on. The one he wasmeantfor…
I snorted, shaking my head at my ridiculous fantasies.
“What?” Lizzie asked. “Was that a ‘yes’ I heard?”
“It was a nothing, Lizzard,” I lied. “Trust me, you need to give this one up.”
