He hung up and switched his phone off before throwing it onto the table as though it was hot enough to burn.
“You did great, baby,” Dylan said.
Callum shook his head. He pressed his face against his boyfriend’s shoulder and sobbed. Dylan held him, making calming noises as he stroked his back.
“I knew it would be awful,” he whispered hoarsely. “But I didn’t think it would feelthisbad.”
“I know, baby. I’m so sorry.”
“Why? Why are they so full of hate?”
“That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?” Dylan wrapped his arms around Callum.
Callum lifted his face and roughly brushed the tears from his cheeks. “That’s it. It’s done. I’ll probably never talk to them again.” The knowledge left him with a hole in his heart that he wasn’t sure could ever be filled.
Dylan looked away. “Would they take you back if—if—”
Callum gaped at Dylan. He shook his head violently. “I willneverchoose them over you, Dylan. I willneverchoose hate. I don’t need them to forgive me, because when it comes to loving you, I’ve donenothingwrong.” His voice cracked all over again. “I just wish they could accept me and love me.”
He knew Dylan understood. He knew it was all either of them wanted.
“Ilove you,” Dylan said. “Iaccept you for who you were in the past, who youarenow, and for who you’ll be.”
“I feel so alone,” Callum admitted. “I know I’m not, but I just…feel so lost.”
“You’ve got me, and Ezra, andeveryoneat the club.We’reyou’re family now.”
Callum crumpled and flopped against Dylan. “Thank you.” He brushed his lips over Dylan’s neck. “I love you.”
“I love you too, baby. Cry if you need to, I’ve got you.”
Callum clung onto Dylan and sobbed until there were no more tears. “Choosing you is easy,” he whispered. “I lost Mum and Molly the moment I chosenotto support Dad—I just didn’t let myself admit it. I fought to cling to them, but all I ended up doing was hurting myself and other people. I can’t do that anymore, Dylan. I can’t fight for something that’s not worth having. If having their acceptance means I can’t be myself, or love you, then what’s the point?”
“I don’t know.”
Callum smiled weakly. He understood why Dylan was being hesitant—he didn’t want to push him into making a decision he wasn’t happy with.
“I still love them,” he said. “And accepting that I’ve lost them forever hurts.”
“Let yourself grieve,” Dylan counselled. “If this is what you want.”
“It is. You’re right—Idoneed to grieve them, but I’m not going to put any more time or energy into caring about what they think of me.”
“Whatareyou going to do?”
Callum inhaled. “I’m going to work hard to forgive myself for doing shitty things, and for wasting years of my life trying to get their attention.” He kissed Dylan softly. “And, from now on, I’m going to live for myself—notfor them.”
* * *
“Good timing,” Ezra said as Callum arrived back at the narrowboat. He was swaying to music as he added herbs to the delicious smelling food that was bubbling in a large frying pan on the hob. “Tea’s almost ready.”
Callum smiled thinly. “Need any help?”
“No, I’ve got it all under control. Are you okay?” Ezra asked, eyebrows pinching in concern.
It had been hours since Callum had talked to his mum and Molly, but he still felt washed out and tired, despite hundreds of revitalising cuddles and kisses from Dylan. He sat at the little table and rested his head in his hand.
“I talked to Mum this morning.”
