15Callum
The sunlight streaming through the window was what woke Callum. It took him a moment to remember where he was, why he was fully dressed, and why there was someone snuggled up against him. Not just someone. Dylan. He smiled and stared at the ceiling. The fairy lights were still on, and even though their twinkle was diminished in daylight, they gave the ceiling a dreamlike quality. If it wasn’t for the fact he was lying beside Dylan, he might have thought everything that had happened between them was exactly that—a wonderful dream. But it wasn’t. They had kissed, cuddled, and fallen asleep together. He brushed his fingers over his lips, searching for the imprint he was sure Dylan must have left on him.
Dylan hadn’t taken his makeup off. His mascara was smeared down his cheeks, but he still looked gorgeous enough to wake with a kiss. Callum caught his breath, taking stock of his thoughts and feelings. He wasn’t freaking out. If anything, he wanted more of what they’d enjoyed last night. More kisses. More cuddles. More…he wasn’t sure what else. He didn’t knowwhattwo guys did together in bed. His body tingled and he wasn’t sure if it was through fear or excitement. Probably a confusing mixture of both. He could want something and be scared of it at the same time, couldn’t he?
“Morning,” Dylan murmured.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t, baby.”
‘Baby’. It wasn’t a word Callum had ever thought he would use with a girlfriend. He’d felt it would be condescending if he called a woman ‘baby’. But when Dylan calledhimby the pet name, it made him feel wanted in a way he’d never experienced before. His brow creased.
“You said being praised turns you on… Why?”
Dylan propped himself up on his elbow so he was looking down at Callum. “It feels good.” Dylan’s smile was fragile and wobbly. “It makes me believe a guy really wants me, even if it’s just for a short while.”
“That’s all there is to it?”
Dylan flopped down and rolled onto his back. “I didn’t get a lot of praise growing up, from anyone, so I crave it now.” He glanced sidelong at Callum. “That probably makes me sound pathetic.”
“It doesn’t.” Callum knew exactly what that was like. He swallowed his own pain so he could concentrate on Dylan’s.
“I need to feel wanted,” Dylan said. “The first time a guy praised me during sex, it made me feelamazing. It made me feel like he was enjoying being with me, that he wasn’t just using me for sex. Which is stupid because we were just using each other.” He pressed his hand over his eyes. “But after that, I realised I needed it. If I was given praise, it turned me on and made me more satisfied. It made one-night stands and casual flings feel like theymeantsomething. I knew it wasn’t real, but in the moment, it was real enough.” He rolled onto his side, turning his back on Callum. “It’s okay if you think I’m a pathetic freak. I know I am.”
“You’re not.” Callum shifted so he could drape his arm over Dylan. He found Dylan’s hand with his own and threaded their fingers together. “Have any of the guys you’ve been with thought that?” He winced. “Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you’re a—”
“Man slut?” Dylan asked. “I am. Don’t worry about it. I’ve never slept with the same guy more than a handful of times. And to answer your question—I didn’t tell most of the guys I’d been with that I get off on praise, let alone that Ineedit. I do what I did last night—ask them to tell me how good I was. Guys tend to be okay with uttering a few compliments while they are getting fucked.” Dylan twisted so he was looking at Callum over his shoulder. “That’s not what I want with you. I’mnotusing you.” His eyes became watery and he blinked fiercely. “And that’s fucking scary.”
“Why?” Callum asked softly.
“Because everyone leaves me.” Dylan sobbed. “Everyone gives up on me sooner or later. Generally, sooner.”
“Which is why you only have flings?” Callum’s chest squeezed tight.
Dylan nodded. “I’m a real heartbreaker. I end things before they can get bored with me because I can’t handle more rejection.” His shoulders shuddered and he cried more freely, burying his face into the pillow.
Callum held him tighter. “It’s okay.”
Dylan shook his head. “I’ve never told anyone any of this. Why do you make me want to spill my guts?”
“I don’t know.”
“The guys at the club think I’ve got the perfect family.”
“I know.”
“I lie to everyone, but I can’t lie to you. It’s scary and I don’t understand it.”
Callum stroked Dylan’s hair. He didn’t understand either, but he wasn’t sure either of them really needed to. For some reason, they wanted to give each other something they’d never given to anyone else. For Callum, it was being brave enough to be with Dylan. For Dylan, it was opening wounds that he’d probably been nursing in secret for far too long.
“I think we make each other braver,” he said tentatively.
Dylan sniffed. “That’s a cute explanation.”
He turned over so he was facing Callum again, their hands still entwined. His face was a complete mess of tears and make-up, but none of it masked his fragile beauty or his fear.
“I won’t hurt you,” he said shakily. “I won’t treat you like those other guys. I’m not playing a game with you. I won’t fuck you and leave you. And you don’t need to praise me. It’s all fake anyway.”
