More than friends? Did that mean they’d been boyfriends? Jared’s breath whooshed out of him. His parents hadn’t told him he’d had a boyfriend in school. Beside him, he felt Kyrone stiffen. Was he jealous? Jared wanted to tell him there was no need to be because he might as well have been told that he used to fancy the moon. He feltnothingfor Jag; he wasn’t sure which one of them would be more crushed if he voiced the realisation out loud—him or Jag.
Jag grabbed the battered book and waved it in Jared’s general direction. “Yougave me this.” He sounded desperate, as though he were pleading with Jared to remember. “I’ve taken iteverywherewith me. You told me reading this would remind me to be true to myself, and itdid. Withoutthis—withoutyou—I wouldneverhave survived the ‘therapy’. I’d never have had the strength to run away. Yousavedme and now… Now…” He let out a strangled sob. “Now you’re telling me you don’t remember me? Orus?”
“I don’t. Ican’t.” If willing his memories worked, he would have had them all back a hundred times over. He tried to plead with Jag with his eyes to understand, but he knew he couldn’t. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I’m so sorry.”
He wasn’t even sure what he was apologising for. He’d been told the accident hadn’t been his fault. He hadn’t asked to lose his memory. He hadn’t wanted to inadvertently hurt everyone in his life by forgetting them. But he had. One thing was clear—there wasnothinghe could say or do that would ease Jag’s pain. His very presence was hurting him, not to mention himself.
He stood. “I didn’t come here to upset you.” He stepped towards the door, but Kyrone caught hold of his wrist.
The bigger man hadn’t stood and was holding him so loosely he could have pulled away. Kyrone’s gaze was imploring, silently pleading with Jared to stay rather than run away, and his eyes were brimming with tears.
“I won’t stop you from leaving,” Kyrone said softly. “But if you stay, you might get some answers.” He nodded his head to Jag. “And you might help him heal.”
Jared doubted that. He glanced between all three men. From their expressions, he could tell they all wanted him to stay, even if it wasn’t the best thing for any of them. Fine. He’d stay a while longer to see how things played out, but if Jag got more upset, more desperate, he’d call time on the conversation and go so Michael could calm and comfort his partner.
“What’s your name?” he asked Jag. “Yourrealname?”
Jag’s jaw stiffened. Michael leant across and whispered something in his ear.
“Jeremy,” Jag replied, looking none too pleased about it.
Jared thought back to the conversations he’d had with his parents since he’d woken up. But like the scrapbook, his mind held no record of the name. “My parents didn’t mention you.”
Jag choked out a bitter laugh. “Of course not. They probably hated me.”
Jared frowned. “Why?”
“Because I got you kicked out of school.”
The air was knocked out of Jared’s lungs, and he staggered. Kyrone stood and guided him back onto the sofa.
“They didn’t tell me I’d been expelled.” What else hadn’t they told him when they’d fed him a rosy-tinted version of the life he couldn’t remember? Why hadn’t they told him something as important as getting forced out of school? He clenched his fists as anger rose within him. It was hard not to doubteverythingthey’d told him.
“We got caught kissing,” Jag said, his voice breaking. “And the teacher reported us to the principal.”
That didn’t seem like much of a reason to get expelled, but Jared kept that thought to himself. After all, what did he know? Apparently very little.
“I don’t exactly know what happened,” Jag carried on. “But Ithinkmy parents convinced the principal to expel you because you were a bad influence on me.”
Jared knotted his eyebrows together, not really understanding. Although if Jag’s parents had put him in conversion therapy, they were clearly unhappy that he was gay.
“I never saw you again,” Jag said. “I tried to call, text, and email, but you never replied.” He gripped the book tightly in his hands. “I thought you hated me. You’d been my rock, Jared. I couldn’t stand the thought that you hated me. Please tell me youdidn’thate me.”
Jared wished he could, but as he was lightyears from being able to be sure, it would have been as good as lying, simply to make Jag feel better. “I can’t.”
“Because you can’t remember,” Jag spat, sounding angry again.
“Yes.”
Jared dropped his head into his hands. Was Jag angry at him or the situation? Possibly both. Not that it mattered. He couldn’t make anything better for either of them. Besides, he was tired. His head ached. Everything Jag was telling him was too much to process. He wanted to suggest that they take a break and reconvene when he’d slept and got rid of his headache, and Jag had had time to think and calm down, but he honestly wasn’t sure he’d ever be brave enough to face him again. Wounds were opening up in his mind. His parents had lied to him, or at least not told him the truth. He’d known Jag was going through something terrible, and he’d stopped talking to him. But why? Why would he do something so callous? He rubbed at his eyes. Maybe his parents could tell him, or maybe they’d lie to his face. His past felt even more shattered, even more broken.
Kyrone’s arm wrapped around his shoulders. He leant against his boyfriend, eyes closed. If Kyrone’s theory was right and the note that had brought him to the city had been about Jag—Jeremy—it was likely hehadn’thated him. Maybe his parents had stopped him from contacting Jag. MaybeJag’sparents had done something to prevent them from communicating. Or maybe he had been angry with Jag, and he’d simply ignored his calls and texts and emails. Maybe he really had been that horrible. But if that was the truth, he hoped he’d eventually wanted to find Jag to make amends. He hated that he could only guess at his past self’s motives. He had never wanted his memories restored more than in that moment.
“My parents can’t find out where I am,” Jag said suddenly. “You can’t tell your parents about me.”
Maybe that would be for the best. For whatever reason, his parents had chosen not to tell him about Jag. He was almost afraid to know why. Yet if he didn’t ask them—if Jag forbade him from talking to them—he would never be able to piece the puzzle together. He wasn’t sure he could make that promise, not without thinking it over carefully first. He didn’t want Jag to be afraid, but it washispast that would remain a mystery. Jag had all his answers—most of them anyway. Jared had nothing.
“I’m sorry,” Jag said.
